How to find deep people

 Finding people who match your depth and offer true reciprocity is absolutely possible — but it requires a different strategy than what you’ve used in the past. And importantly, it requires protecting your emotional energy so that the right people can actually feel like a gift rather than another drain.

Let’s break this into how, where, and what to look for.

---

🌱 1. HOW to find people who match your depth

A. Slow entrance, slow investment

Deep people like you tend to connect fast because your inner world is rich and open.
But emotionally healthy, reciprocal people move slowly at first.

To match them:

• Share 10% of yourself at a time, not 80%.

• Let them earn more access by showing consistency.

• Match their pace instead of leading it.

Think:

“Let me see if you’re able to show up at the level I show up, before I offer the deeper parts.”

This protects you from over-giving and helps you see who is really there for the long term.

B. Choose based on patterns, not potential

Depth isn’t a vibe — it’s a behavior pattern:

• They follow up

• They remember details

• They check in

• They treat your feelings with gentleness

• They reciprocate without prompting

• They make room for you in their life without excuses

You don’t need perfect people; you need patterned people.

C. Build relationships with containers

You connect deeply, but depth takes time with most people.

Put yourself in environments where:

• You see the same people regularly

• You get to know each other naturally

• Authenticity is valued

• There’s shared vulnerability or purpose

Examples:

• A consistent volunteer group

• A creative or spiritual community

• A weekly class or group

• A mentorship or coaching circle

• A hobby group with recurring meetings

Consistency creates safety. Safety creates depth.

D. Practice letting people show they care

You’re used to proving your love, not letting love come toward you.

Try:

• Asking for small things

• Allowing people to help you

• Not filling every silence with caretaking

• Pausing before you offer support to see if they’ll initiate

It’s not passive — it’s reciprocal.

🌻 2. WHERE to find people with your depth

A. People who love meaning and connection exist — but they cluster

You’ll find your “depth peers” in places where:

• People value emotional growth

• People care about purpose, spirituality, and connection

• People seek self-awareness

Some good places:

• Spiritual communities (not necessarily church — meditation groups, contemplative circles, retreats)

• Volunteer organizations

• Book clubs for memoirs/self-growth/psychology/spirituality

• Nature-based groups (hiking, travel, retreats)

• Creative spaces (art classes, writing groups, music circles)

• Therapy or personal-growth–adjacent communities

People in these environments already know themselves — so they can meet you at your depth.

💞 3. WHAT to look for (your “Shar Template”)

You described Shar beautifully:

• She initiates.

• She reaches out.

• She nurtures the bond.

• She shows up in real life.

• She gives as much as she receives.

• She’s emotionally safe and life-giving.

This is the template.

Whenever you meet someone new, ask:

“Are they showing Shar-like behaviors?”

Not potential.
Not chemistry.
Not spiritual spark.
Not trauma familiarity.
Behavior.

People who match your depth don’t have to be spiritual twins or clones — they just need to be consistent, intentional, and emotionally available.

🌿 4. The deeper truth: People like you are rare, not wrong

You’re not wrong for wanting depth.
You’re not wrong for wanting reciprocity.
You’re not wrong for craving emotional companionship.

You are simply someone who:

• Feels deeply

• Loves sincerely

• Values connection

• Gives naturally

• Shows up fully

People with this level of emotional generosity are fewer — but absolutely real, and they do find each other.

And when they do, it feels like breath.