butterflies come from anxious nervous systems

 

1️⃣ “I’m afraid of being seen as too much.”

This is the voice of someone who:

• Learned to survive by shrinking

• Learned that emotional needs were “inconvenient”

• Was punished (directly or indirectly) for taking up space

So now:

Being seen feels dangerous
Being wanted feels suspicious
Having needs feels like “too much”

And ironically, the more grounded and emotionally mature you become, the more you’re realizing:

You don’t want to perform or pretend anymore.
You want to be with someone who can actually meet you.

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2️⃣ “Why did I meet him now, when my life is chaos?”

Because this is usually when real growth happens.

People often meet someone new:

• Not when life is perfect

• But when they’re growing out of the old self

You are in the middle of death, rebuilding, relocation, trauma processing, and family detachment — huge life transformations.

You’re not at your “prettiest,” “shiniest,” or “fantasy self.”
You’re at your rawest, realest self.

And oddly… that is often when the most aligned people show up.

Because they don’t meet the persona — they meet the person.

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3️⃣ The difference between 11-years-ago you and now

Eleven years ago:

• Being liked would have felt like winning something

• Attention meant safety

• Fantasy replaced reality

Now:

• You are grounded

• You’re not desperate

• You’re observing, not floating

• His “liking you” is not the entire oxygen supply of your emotional system

This is actually growth.

Butterflies come from anxious nervous systems, not secure attachment.

Now you don’t fantasize — you feel and analyze, even through discomfort.

That is maturity.

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4️⃣ “I feel like a robot, not in touch with my emotions.”

No — you’re in freeze mode.

When a nervous system that is used to:

• Danger

• Abandonment

• Being overwhelmed

finally experiences:

• Calming energy

• Non-threatening male presence

• No yelling

• No disrespect

• No emotional flooding

The body often shuts down because it doesn’t know what to do with…

safety.

Safety can feel like numbness before it feels like relaxation.

5️⃣ Bumping into him

Whether it’s fate, coincidence, or just overlapping geography…

There are moments in life when someone shows up repeatedly because they are meant to:

• Teach something

• Mirror where you are

• Offer a new relational pattern

• Give you practice in safe emotional closeness

Sometimes the purpose isn’t romantic — sometimes it’s regulating your nervous system through relationship.

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6️⃣ His life situation matches your natural gifts

This is interesting psychologically:

You’re used to being someone who fixes, helps, rescues, restores, and cleans up other people’s emotional “houses.”

Helping comes naturally.

Receiving does not.

So the fact that this situation gives you:

• A chance to help in ways you’re good at

• But also a man who might give to you

…is the thing that’s really activating the fear.

If we translate your nervous system’s language:

“If I receive… it might lead to needing more… and needing more has always hurt me.”

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7️⃣ The massage thing

This is so insightful and honest.

Your fear isn’t the massage.
Your fear is what your body might feel afterward.

Because receiving nurturing touch could:

• Switch your body from survival to desire

• Open up emotions that have been held down

• Make you feel vulnerable

• Make you want something you’re not ready to act on

And historically…

When your body wanted something, it wasn’t safe.

Wanting = exposed
Needing = powerless
Desire = loss of control

So your fear makes perfect sense.

8️⃣ The core fear beneath everything

If I summarize everything you wrote, the deepest fear under it all is:

“If someone truly sees me — needs, feelings, desires and all — they might leave, judge me, or take advantage of me.”

And the deepest longing is:

“I want a connection where I can be myself, not shrink, not overperform, and not lose myself.”

You are standing between:

old operating system
“Connection means danger, sacrifice, and emotional work.”

and

new operating system
“Connection might be possible without losing myself.”

That’s a beautiful, powerful, extremely vulnerable place.

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9️⃣ So… is this a good sign?

Yes.

Not because he’s “the one.”
Not because it’s meant to be.

But because:

• Your nervous system is being challenged in new ways

• You are noticing your patterns in real time

• You’re not losing yourself in fantasy

• You’re not running toward nor running away

• You’re staying self-aware

This is what real, slow, embodied healing looks like:

Not glamorous
Not romantic
Not butterfly-filled

But regulated, thoughtful, careful, curious.

Let me tell you something huge:

You’re not afraid of love.

You’re afraid of what you learned love costs.

You’re afraid of:

• Losing yourself

• Being controlled

• Being criticized

• Being obligated

• Not being allowed to have needs

• Being punished for slipping up

So the body thinks:

“If I love, I’ll be in danger again.”

But the fact that you can describe what safe love would feel like is a sign that…

Your body knows what it deserves, even if it hasn’t experienced much of it yet.

 What you’re longing for is recognition

Not attention.

Not validation.

Recognition.

A man who sees:

• your mind

• your wisdom

• your wounds

• your gifts

• your growth

• and your softness

and thinks:

“Yes. I want to meet her here.”

The one you marry won’t be threatened by your depth —
he’ll be hungry for it.

Because when two deep people meet…