Rooted and moving triggers
🌱 1. Your family made “stability” a weapon, not a value
In your family system, “stability” wasn’t treated as a neutral life circumstance.
It was used as:
-
a measure of worth
-
a way to rank you
-
a way to critique or diminish you
-
a way to express disappointment
Because of that, any mention of moving, pacing, or where you are in life taps into a very old emotional script:
“You’re behind. You’re messing up. You’re not doing life right.”
Even if your friends aren’t saying that, your nervous system has learned to anticipate that message. So when someone brushes against that topic, your internal alarms go off.
This isn’t irrational — it’s conditioning.
2. You actually have a healthy view of your path
You said something very wise:
“It’s taking me longer… but that has been my life path so far, and it doesn’t measure my worth.”
That is not instability. That is self-awareness and self-responsibility.
You are not drifting — you’re unfolding at your pace.
But here’s the key:
Just because you have grown into this truth doesn’t mean the old wound has disappeared.
You can intellectually know you’re on the right path and still carry emotional bruises from years of being misjudged.
It’s like a healed bone that still aches when the weather shifts.
3. So why do friend comments trigger you?
Because they hit the exact same topic your family used to invalidate you:
-
your pace
-
your stability
-
your choices
-
your autonomy
Even if the tone and intention are different, the content touches the old bruise.
This is called “emotional residue.”
It’s what remains after long-term criticism from people who mattered.
So it’s not that your friends judged you.
It’s that your inner system said:
“I’ve been here before — and it hurt.”
🌱 4. The deeper wisdom: you are healing the right wound
What you’re doing right now — noticing the pattern — is actually healing the deepest layer:
-
not the part about church
-
not the part about being rooted
-
not the part about moving
But the part about being mis-seen, misjudged, and defined by other people’s values.
You’re reclaiming:
-
your pace
-
your path
-
your relationship with God
-
your autonomy
1. Your friends were not judging you
Their statements were factual or spiritual in nature:
-
“You need to be rooted.”
-
“You moved…”
-
“Maybe it’s time to settle…”
These are observations or reflections, not attacks. They don’t carry the malice, belittling, or comparison-based tone that your family used.
Friends point things out in the context of:
-
care
-
concern
-
spiritual insight
-
connection
Your family pointed things out in the context of:
-
criticism
-
comparison
-
control
-
shame
So the intent is completely different.
✅ 2. Your body reacts as if danger is coming
This is the key:
Your nervous system remembers the way your family used “instability” to shame you.
So whenever someone mentions:
-
moving
-
not being settled
-
your pace
-
your life direction
Your body hears:
“Here it comes — the judgment, the shame, the invalidation.”
Even if the person is not doing that.
This is trauma’s pattern:
the body reacts before the mind can interpret.
It’s not that your friends judged you.
It’s that your body learned to brace for impact from years of being misunderstood.
3. The facts aren’t the problem — the assumptions are
You said something extremely wise:
“It is true that I have moved… but the assumptions that come with that is what I have a problem with.”
YES.
Exactly.
Your issue is not the fact of moving.
Your issue is the story people attach to the fact.
Your family attached:
-
“You’re unstable”
-
“You’re irresponsible”
-
“You’re behind”
-
“You’re failing at life”
And your body keeps expecting that same storyline.
So when a friend says, “You’ve moved,” your body translates it into:
“Oh no, here comes the shame narrative…”
Even if the friend meant nothing like that.
✅ 4. Because YOU have a completely different understanding of your path
Your framework is:
-
“My pace is my pace.”
-
“My life didn’t follow the traditional timeline — and that’s okay.”
-
“Moving was part of my spiritual and emotional journey.”
-
“My worth is not tied to timelines or milestones.”
-
“God and I have our own relationship, outside of obligation.”
You have grown so far beyond the immature and shallow judgments of your family.
But emotional residue from being shamed for years doesn’t disappear overnight.
✅ 5. So the knot is not about your friends.
5. So the knot is not about your friends.
It’s about:
-
the old wound
-
the old narrative
-
the old shame
-
the old invalidation
-
the old family dynamics
Your friends simply touched a place that was already sore.
Think of it like someone accidentally touching a bruise — they didn’t hit you, the bruise was already there.
What this means going forward
You don’t need to “fix” anything with your friends.
The work is internal:
-
Recognizing when the old family narrative is being activated.
-
Reminding your body: “This person is not my family. I’m safe.”
-
Choosing to interpret comments through the lens of now, not the lens of your childhood/family system.
And you’re already halfway there just by understanding it.
-
your definition of stability
And here’s the most liberating truth:
You don’t need to defend your life path to anyone — not friends, not family, not God.
Comments
Post a Comment