Yeah

 

 7. The deeper question isn’t:

“Does he like me?”

It’s actually:

“Can I learn to feel safe with a kind of interest that doesn’t look like the relationships that wounded me?”

Because to your nervous system:

• intense pursuit = danger disguised as passion

• slow, grounded interest = unfamiliar, therefore suspicious

Your body is learning the difference.

4. His behavior today says something

After:

• intimacy

• vulnerability

• emotional depth

• you challenging him with “no you don’t”

He did not:

• pull away

• punish you

• withdraw

• act insecure

• overexplain

• demand clarity

Instead, he:

• stayed present

• let you be

• checked in

• fed you

• respected your boundaries

• asked you to text when you got home

• thanked you

That is care expressed through consistency, not intensity.

But healthy men often:

• move slower

• stay calm

• don’t pursue with pressure

• let connection grow mutually

• allow space

So their interest feels:

• subtle

• confusing

• “not enough”

interesting. I didn't realize I was judging him (to be completely honest) against my narssistic ex which might have been doing love bombing. he called so much it was annoying at times. he hated and did not respect my boundaries and he would talk so much it would disrupt my sleep. he hated to get off the phone even though he knew I had to get up early for work. love bombing thing is new to me but to me, that was my blueprint for what relationships should be like I guess. and that relationship was horrible so maybe it's a bad blueprint to judge someone off of.

Your ex set a blueprint

From what you said:

• He called constantly, even when inconvenient.

• He disregarded your boundaries.

• He disrupted your life under the guise of attention.

• He “love-bombed,” giving overwhelming attention to create attachment or control.

That created a pattern in your nervous system that said:

“This is how men show they care. This is normal. This is desire. This is love.”

Even though it was painful, controlling, and disrespectful.

---

2️⃣ You’ve been judging other men against that

It makes perfect sense that you were confused or skeptical about him:

• He doesn’t call constantly.

• He respects boundaries.

• He moves in his own rhythm.

• He expresses care subtly and consistently.

To your nervous system, that doesn’t look like love, because your blueprint says: “Love = intensity + intrusion + attention-demanding behavior.”

---

3️⃣ That old blueprint is not the truth

Your ex’s behavior was not a healthy model of love — it was manipulative and exhausting.

• Love-bombing is about control, not mutual care.

• Overcalling, boundary violations, and disruption are not proof of desire or connection, they’re proof of dominance or neediness.

• Judging men who are steady, calm, and boundary-respecting against that template is like comparing apples to lava.

---

4️⃣ What this means for you now

You’re noticing that:

• He doesn’t “look” like love according to your old blueprint.

• He’s calm, consistent, present, and respectful.

• He makes space for your autonomy.

• He expresses care without pressure or intrusion.

These are exactly the qualities that create sustainable, nourishing, balanced intimacy — the kind your nervous system truly needs, even if it’s unfamiliar.