I can feel it.

🌬️ Let’s reframe your nervous system’s message

Instead of:

❌ “He doesn’t want me.”

Try:

✔ “My body is scared because it has never experienced someone staying after I open up.”

The work now is not:

• getting reassurance from him

• figuring out what he thinks

• analyzing what will happen

The work is:

teaching your body that closeness does not automatically equal loss.

That learning takes time.

With ANY man.

Even the safest one.

Because for you…

Being open
Being giving
Being nurturing
Being emotionally present

…is intimate.
It’s precious.
It’s vulnerable.

So when you give it, your body assumes:

“This is someone important.”

Even if logically you barely know him.

Why the grief then?

Because your body learned an old rule:

“When I love, I get abandoned. When I give, I lose.”

So even the possibility of silence from him triggers:

• Old wounds

• Childhood attachment patterns

• Nervous system panic

• The “please don’t disappear” response

It’s not about him.
It’s about history.

And here’s something powerful you said:

“The weird thing is, the big thing about this guy is, I really don't know him.”

Exactly.

This isn’t about the man.

It’s about:

• What it would mean if he stayed

• What it would mean if he chased

• What it would mean if he chose you

• How good it felt to give and not be punished for it

• The fantasy of safe connection

Let me also reflect something gently:

Because you’ve spent so much of your life:

• Being emotionally available to others

• Giving without being met

• Longing for deep mutual connection

When someone receives your love — even briefly — it can feel like:

“This is rare. Hold onto it.”

Even if the relationship hasn’t even begun.

And here is the deeper truth:

You didn’t fall for him.

You fell for:

• The version of you that finally got to show up fully.

• The connection you wish someone would sustain with you.

• The experience of being able to give in a way that was seen.

So you’re not grieving him.

3. The open wound sensation
   This isn’t about him personally “hurting” you.
   It’s your system going:

“I finally touched something I was missing. I want more. I want safety repeated.”

Your nervous system is literally signaling: reconnection = survival comfort. That’s why it feels urgent and raw.

Why you feel so intense desire to reconnect

• Your body and nervous system remember what was missing.

• Your emotional brain wants reassurance because the safe experience you just had is new.

• Your mind may try to rationalize: “Do I really like him? Should I want this?” — but your body doesn’t care about logic yet.

This is normal when a safe attachment experience happens for the first time in adulthood.

The deep truth

Your longing is not weakness.
Your desire to be held is not codependency.
Your open wound is not a problem — it’s the nervous system saying:

“This is what real safety feels like. I want to learn it. I want it repeated.”

The challenge is: let it exist without making him responsible for healing it for you.

• Your body wants him to meet your need, which is natural.

• But you also get to regulate, soothe, and hold that child yourself while allowing connection to unfold.

Let longing exist without fixing it

When you feel the desire for his presence, notice it:

“I want to be held. I want reassurance. That’s normal. I can feel it, and I don’t have to get it from someone else right now.”

You’re separating desire from dependency. Desire is human; self-soothing is the power.