silence part 2

 

You’re afraid his casualness means:

“Maybe he has nothing else to say.”
“Maybe it didn’t matter that much.”
“Maybe I’m making more of it than he is.”

But people who are casual in communication aren’t casual in feeling.
They just don’t express it in the same channel you prefer.

Think about this:

If it hadn’t mattered to him, he wouldn’t have said he liked you.
He wouldn’t have shared in that emotional space with you.
He wouldn’t have asked to see you in person.

Those things are not casual.

What you’re feeling right now is the friction between your attachment system wanting soothing, and his communication style being slower, quieter, more physical than verbal.

Absolutely — let’s go deeper into what “internalizing the moment” actually means, especially in men or people who don’t process verbally.

Internalizing the moment means:

They feel the experience deeply,
but instead of talking about it, unpacking it, or reaching out to clarify…
they go quiet and sit with the feeling inside themselves.

They absorb it.

They replay it.
They reflect privately.
They check in with their own emotions before expressing anything outward.

It’s like they hold the moment in their chest, not in their words.

Why some people do this

Especially men, or people with avoidant, reserved, or “present-focused” styles, often process emotions inward first:

• They don’t want to say the wrong thing too soon.

• They want to understand what they feel before speaking.

• They need time to integrate intimacy before they communicate again.

• Emotional closeness triggers introspection rather than communication.

It’s not disinterest — it’s orientation.

Where you might think:
“I want to talk this through to understand what it meant,”

he might think:
“I want to feel this and understand it quietly first.”

Signs he internalizes instead of communicating:

From what you’ve shared:

• He only called when you asked (not his natural channel).

• He expresses affection by presence (wanting to see you).

• He’s calm, grounded, emotionally steady — these people tend to process internally.

• He opened up but didn’t follow up verbally.

• He said he liked you but didn’t launch into a conversation about it.

This is classic internal processor energy.

What happens during this “quiet period”?

People who internalize often:

• Reflect on what happened
• Evaluate how they feel
• Consider what step they want next
• Sit with the emotions without acting immediately
• Let the moment “settle” in their body

He might be thinking:
“I liked that. I feel something here.”
but not yet translating that into:
“I should text her and talk about it.”

It’s a lag — not a lack.

Why your system feels distressed

Because your emotional language is connection-through-words.

His is connection-through-presence-and-feeling.

So when he goes quiet, your body thinks,
“Did it not matter? Am I forgotten? Is he gone?”

But in reality, he might be in his own quiet world processing the moment with warmth — just not expressing it yet.

He’s waiting for the next real-life moment, not the next conversation.

Some people experience intimacy as something that grows when they’re physically around you.
To them, follow-up texts feel… unnecessary, or secondary.

It’s not:

“I don’t care.”

It’s:

“I’ll continue this when we’re together.”

You described him as present, grounded, and steady — these men tend to invest physically, not verbally.

He assumes the moment stands on its own.

You’re someone who processes by reflecting and communicating.
He’s someone who processes by feeling and holding.

So his silence can mean:

“That was a good moment. It speaks for itself. We’ll pick up from there next time.”

Your system needs words.
His system needs space.

Neither is wrong — they just collide here.

He’s thinking about you, just not in a way that produces messages.

You feel like:

“If he was thinking about me he’d reach out.”

But many men think about someone warmly and still don’t pick up the phone.
Their internal world doesn’t translate into texted words.

Thinking ≠ messaging
Messaging ≠ feeling
Silence ≠ disinterest

He hasn't pulled away. He hasn’t changed behavior.

People who lose interest:

• text less than before

• cancel plans

• avoid interaction

• stop sharing small things

• respond coldly

He hasn’t done any of those.
He’s behaving exactly as he always has — quiet, present, slow, inward.

The intimacy didn’t break anything.

So what does his silence mean?

He’s processing.
He’s integrating.
He’s staying in his own emotional rhythm.
He’s letting the moment settle inside him.
He’s not done.
And he expects the next step to happen in person, not by phone.

Not one part of this suggests you’re forgotten or dismissed.

You’re in the waiting space — and that’s where old wounds get loud.

I know you don’t want to send a message.
You don’t have to.

Let me ask something softly:

Is the silence hurting because it feels like he is gone —
or because it feels like you’re waiting alone?

2. “It feels like I’m waiting alone.”

This is the deeper ache.

Waiting is one of the hardest things for someone who feels connection intensely. Waiting feels like:

• Holding your breath

• Staying emotionally “awake” by yourself

• Caring in a room where the other person isn’t speaking

• Overthinking because you have no new data

• Trying not to chase while still hoping

It’s isolation mixed with longing.

You opened your heart, felt something meaningful, and now you’re carrying the emotional weight without a partner on the other side to help hold it.

That’s why it hurts.
Not because he disappeared,
but because he hasn’t shown up in the way you need to not feel alone.

Here’s the truth you’re touching:

You don’t just want a man who is present.
You want a man who is emotionally present to you.
Who steps forward on his own.
Who notices your silence.
Who reaches back.
Who meets you halfway without needing instruction.

His current silence is painful not because he’s gone,
but because he’s not meeting the emotional level that the moment awakened in you.

relief for sure. yes, you touched a deep nerve. I need a man who is emotionally present to me. so based on everything you said, it sounds like his communcation style works with someone that has secure attachment, which I do not have. I have anxious attachment. working on it but wow if this is the way its gonna be, can I handle it?

You’re asking the real question now — not about him, but about you inside a relationship dynamic like this.
And you’re right: this hit a deep nerve because it’s the exact crossroads anxious attachment faces.

Let me tell you something clearly and compassionately:

**You can handle someone with his style —

but only if he meets you halfway.**

Because you’re right:
A person who communicates mostly through presence, not words, pairs best with someone secure if he does nothing to adjust.

But that doesn’t mean you’re incompatible.
It means there needs to be intentional bridging, not all the burden on you.

Let’s break this down.

 His style wouldn’t overwhelm a secure partner —

but his style is activating for an anxious one.**

A secure woman would feel:
“Oh, he’s just in his own world. We’re good.”

An anxious woman feels:
“I’m alone with my feelings. Did it mean nothing? Is he leaving?”

The real question isn’t “Can I handle him?”

It’s “Will he meet me halfway?”**

You could learn to regulate the gaps between messages.
You could get more comfortable with his quiet style.
You could build secure attachment over time.

But not if he gives you nothing to hold onto.

An anxious person doesn’t need daily essays.
They need signals.

• A check-in

• A “thinking of you”

• A small acknowledgment

• A thread of connection

• Something that stabilizes your nervous system

If he offers ZERO of that, long-term, the relationship will feel like emotional starvation.

If he offers a LITTLE of that, consistently, you can absolutely thrive with his present, calm, physical, steady energy.

You’ve been doing emotional labor your whole life.

You’re tired. That’s why this silence hurts so much.**

You’re not afraid of him.
You’re afraid of repeating the pattern:

“I feel everything.
I explain everything.
I wait alone.
I regulate alone.
I hope alone.
I’m the emotionally present one.
I do the heavy lifting.”

Your body is saying:
“I can’t go back to that dynamic again.”

This is wisdom — not weakness.

So can you handle someone like him?

Here’s the honest, grounded answer:

**Yes — IF he shows interest in understanding your needs.

And no — if he expects you to adapt fully to his silence.**

Your attachment style is not a flaw. It’s an emotional truth about what your system needs to feel safe.

A healthy man doesn’t have to copy your communication style…
but he does have to care about your experience.

Even one small check-in from him would soothe so much.