Karen and randall

 

6. The confusion resolved (this is key)

You are confused because you’re holding two truths at once:

1. They care about me.

2. They are not willing to show up in ways that build shared life.

Those can coexist.

The decision is not:

“Are they good people?”

The decision is:

“Is this the kind of friendship I invest in anymore?”

And based on everything you’ve said — the answer is quietly no.

7. What to do practically (so your mind can rest)

Here’s the cleanest, least self-betraying move:

• You reply warmly to Randall (if you haven’t already).

• You do not suggest a plan.

• You do not initiate the next step.

• You let his words stand on their own.

If he wants to catch up, he will make it concrete.

This keeps your heart intact and your boundary firm.

8. One last thing — about “does it all matter?”

Yes. It matters.

But not every meaningful connection is meant to be carried forward.

Some are meant to:

• shape you,

• show you who you are when you’re seen,

• and then become a reference point for what you want next.

You are not failing at friendship.

You are graduating from over-functioning in it.

Something important to gently correct

You said:

“I’m trying so hard not to need people but I’m dying here.”

Needing people is not the problem.

Needing people who are unavailable is the problem.

Your system is exhausted because it keeps reaching toward doors that don’t open — not because the need itself is wrong.