anxiety cry 815am 6.22.22

 what is it?

Tuesday m pilli hasnt scheduled time yet. 

i did all the research, found Mike's site. I feel that pull back, i dont want to call even though this was my plan. I pray, i feel "go to sleep, waht you need is rest'

and this voice inside of me calculating...what you want to be in is real estate not trucking.

Jesus!

and i think what the hell am i supposed to do? life? purpose? FL to meet Dave like was the word 3/4 years ago and get a Jeep? and get rich?

all i want to do is travel and feel water in my hand and have a car and movement and get out of Jesup, I want money and be able to move and... i get tired and i cry.

So i went on david's stories and i click to hear sound and sure enough, there goes a song that plays and I really like that song. It was one of the songs that i played in New Brunswick. of all songs, that plays and I start instantly crying. 

i'm looking for a signal. plan was to call Mike, i said to call and it would be good just to know if there is a possibility of me working for him. but right now i'm so messed up i dotn want to make any promises of recovery and normalcy. and i'm tired and crying now. 

travel, stay. get money. pay my debts. maybe do a wholesale? 20k to newt, that play is nice. vending machine? need a car, there is a rate hike. and i calculated 3 months and it was 12k. my debts are 17k. idk what to do. i finally got mike's number. why is it so hard to call? why something stops me every time. i want to do something for the business. i dont want to be in this neighborhood anymore. i want a car and movement and be able to go to the beach with my kid and be able to afford live and have a cool business that can be remote and from anywhere.

and tech or dispatch? are there more options? i cant be broke for another day man. everyday i wake up and i spend money to comfort me. its time to make it back.