Things I am learning about myself

I am sensitive. Today I cried over my son, so easily.

I am vulnerable, my heart is open and I feel so much.

When I am in a relationship, (I should say in faith when I am married) I like to be catered to.

I want someone to wonder about me, care about me, like I do for my son. Does that make sense?

I can be stable, matter of fact I want it. I really desire a partner, to share life with.

I feel so vulnerable with my son. I feel financially vulnerable (provision has to come) and just in every way. I feel in need of protection. It makes me think of women around the world, and today I kept thinking what if a woman has nowhere to live or lost her job and has a child. what then? what resources can she turn to?

It's something that's been on my mind a lot. the condition of women around the world.

Another thing is, building community. I feel like its my calling? like look at this, I can leave and do something outside of the community. but if I am here in Bayonne, what can I add to it? I look at everything and think of ways to fix it, make it better. I look at grass and think of landscaping. I look at the park that looks the same way as it always had and think of fixing couple of things here and there.

I keep thinking of the youth out here. What events can they attend? I know all these things can just be created. Is there a committee? to bring different events to Bayonne? In summer is standing at the magic fountain the only thing to do? How can we build community so neighbors get to know neighbors.

The only community I have here is family and I move from my place to my sisters, then today to Jose and Andrea's shower. It's a tight community and so much love. It's not perfect. but how to build it here, in this town, with this youth, to share Christ. All that's been on my mind. Maybe that's my problem. All these thoughts, how to bring them together. and take action on one.

But all this I am learning about myself, these are the things that matter, this is what is in my heart.

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