Forgot about Dre

 met with you in January

now in May I see how big of a mistake

its been months you would call and I would keep saying

there's no purpose of us speaking

what would you do? laugh and what else? keep calling

your approach has always been do whatever you want

and not respect the other person's boundaries

what is there to talk about?

you call always when you are in a rush

or have a little bit of time

our last text exchange was like a song of dance 

like a guy with his girlfriend

If I speak to him again, what will come out of it?

He could just show up at my door

and I will be you know, shocked

and be like I told you not to come here

I tried cursing and telling him there was no purpose to it

but he kept calling and i would pick up because i could

and then it was call me for one thing (the day ms mary took me to pay some bill in housing)

he called because he had an upset with his girlfriend

and he got shocked that i could see through his exterior

then it was call me to tell me the i'm gonna go climb a mountain with Friday

then it was, turning this day into a work thing

then have me support him then not even update me on what happened

before in the last year it would be he would send me pics of what he was doing

and it just never worked for me

i wanted to tell him a while ago for us to stop talking

because he would call and could be 5 minutes for him

but for me it was a interruption of what I had going on

I communicated this to him as well

idk why I think communicating with him will make any difference

he obviously will keep taking anything that I would give him, like my time

and i keep getting triggered, always by stuff he says that reminds me of past brokenness in our

non relationship relationship

the truth is, love is mine and its all around me (singly)

and he is not my last chance at love

Like Jane says, keep working on me and not having to lean 

on someone like financially

should keep me out of most things

Independence, my need to fly

back to basics

what am i getting out of this? 

nothing, keep getting triggered and meeting him in january made

think of a future that will never be and will never do

because we have made different choices

there's also this feeling of not being heard

and keep talking as if to an echo, because its the same experience

Andre, he makes these sexual innuendos that I am starting to notice

and stop making excuses or ignoring

i dont like his art

and i dont like the way he spoke to his employee

i also kept questioning if i felt safe around him

i couldnt say so

i didnt like he treated my kid like he wasnt there

this reminds me of the time i went out

i went out even though i thought the activities of meeting up

was too much like a date

i went against my initial things

and i hated it

cut that person out, and when he sent an email 

they showed me the same thing, how much of an asshole he was

same thing with Marvin, good luck fool

it all showed me, there is a reason why you not in my life anymore

I feel at peace 

and its easier having not to deal with so many people's thoughts

i'm still trying to get a hang of this cooking things, doing more recipes

and part of me wants to be more adventurous with that, with food.

Becoming my best and fit and money going up and countries visited and living 

a life of a design and keeping this peace intact is it for me. 

How I crave professional success, accomplishing something. 

maybe listening is my thing

and using my gift. i love being available for that.