God says

 I've been there

when all those people you were waiting for,

I was there.

The calls that never came, I was there. 

I am not physical, I know

My ways are slow, I know

when they betray you, I am there

When you are lonely, I am there

God there is so much unresolved things

the mental hospital

the homelessness

saying I will go to Florida and it took 4 years

I was afraid to relax, afraid to let my guard down

I held onto Tia, she was all I had socially

Yomeiry too, when she moved I as so happy that's a friend

but she rejected me. the jealousy took a hold of her as it does

Sky was a scammer, she called me a sister but then tried to fight me

it was crazy stories, stories that no one wants to hear. 

These things are not to be found in the bible

The times I trust you God and the hell I had to walk through

the fire, that scripture

you are not done until God can be reflected in me.

its a miracle I haven't turned bitter

I don't know how I have turned

I have tried so hard to keep my sanity

Jane said after all these years you are in the same

situation, God, did I feel judged.

what do you want? do you know see what is going on?

people have stabilty are able to get into a house are able to sell after a couple of years

wealth starts with something, a tree starts as a seed

I haven't had a seed, God would I have planted it as bloomed

All those years back when I got let go at bank of america

I had no idea the journey that was ahead of me.

that was my first and last stable job, 2 years, as an employee

being at platinum showed me how horrible a job is for me

and how it didn't fit, you told me that in Miami

But the forget to get paid has not been laid out perfectly

sometimes, God , my nervous system just wanted to rest

Have a house to clean, books to read and write and tea in my hand

Yes, I want to give up the coffee of course

I would love a plant. that would make me feel so much better, for real.

God says, I am here, when everyone else leaves, I am here.