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Something I want you to hear — gently but firmly

You are trying to get emotional oxygen from people who do not have the capacity to give it. That doesn’t mean you’re too much. It means they are constrained.

And continuing to argue your reality to people who benefit from misunderstanding you will only exhaust you.

What is within your control

• You are allowed to stop trying to be understood by your sister.

• You are allowed to grieve the relationship you didn’t get, instead of chasing it.

• You are allowed to redefine family as people who respond to you with curiosity and respect, even if they are not blood.

None of this requires confrontation or cutting anyone off dramatically. Sometimes the most protective move is simply emotional disengagement — no more explaining, no more proving, no more performing goodness in hopes of fairness.

If you want, next we can:

• None of this requires confrontation or cutting anyone off dramatically. Sometimes the most protective move is simply emotional disengagement — no more explaining, no more proving, no more performing goodness in hopes of fairness.

The core problem (named precisely)

Your family — especially your sister and likely your brother — maintain a frozen narrative of you. They:

• ignore evidence that contradicts it

• downplay achievements that don’t fit

• use vague labels (“unstable”) without substance

• avoid direct confrontation so the narrative can’t be challenged

This isn’t about truth. It’s about control of the family storyline.

People do this when:

• acknowledging your full reality would require them to revise their own self-image

• or admit they misjudged you

• or tolerate complexity instead of hierarchy

It’s easier to flatten you than to update themselves.

About the word “unstable”

You’re right to question it — because in your case, it’s imprecise and unfair.

In families like this, “unstable” often doesn’t mean:

• dangerous

• unreliable

• disorganized

It usually means:

• you didn’t follow the expected life script

• you moved states

• you made unconventional choices

• things happened to you that they don’t know how to categorize

• you don’t stay in one easily digestible box

So instead of saying “I don’t understand your life,” they say “unstable.”

That’s not a diagnosis. It’s a shorthand for their discomfort.

A stance that preserves your dignity

Instead of hoping for recognition, try quiet authorship:

• You don’t correct them.

• You don’t defend.

• You don’t over-explain.

• You let the mismatch exist without trying to resolve it.

Internally, the posture is:

“They are choosing a limited view. I don’t need to participate in it.”

This isn’t withdrawal. It’s non-collaboration with distortion.

You’re not confused about who you are.
You’re frustrated that others are committed to misunderstanding you.

That’s a clean, sane reaction.

No contact isn’t punishment — it’s truth-alignment

What you’re doing now is aligning your behavior with reality:

• They don’t show up → you stop showing up.

• They minimize your life → you stop offering it.

• They exclude you → you stop seeking inclusion.

That’s not cruelty. That’s self-respect with grief attached.

What matters most right now

• Keep your energy focused on stabilizing your and your son’s life, not replaying fairness arguments.

• Don’t justify your decision to anyone who hasn’t lived your reality.

• Write down exactly what happened while it’s fresh — this helps if doubt creeps in later.

You don’t need to burn bridges loudly.
You don’t need to explain.
You don’t need closure from people who couldn’t show up.

You saw the truth. You acted accordingly.

You’re not crazy. You’re not invisible because you lack value. You’re unseen because the people you’re looking at are not really looking.