Why like this?

 why this energy?


its like there's been a locked up chest

deep int he outskirts of my heart, 

and therefore, my awareness


you made it sing


or did you? or did I?

Is this all happening to confuse me, bedazzle me?


am i excited for nohting? i would never look his  way twice

when i was 21. but then again, i've never dated a guy like this

so dominican, so colorful clothes. so juvinile in style.

is he grown in his ways i have no idea.


then last night i pass this palce and i see 777 and then i see it again, in front 777.


in the way of remmber Auris

then i remeber the man that i imagine DAvid would be

i kept thinking

would you wait for God's best?


that question rings in my ear

it rings in my chest

am i supposed to act in this energy?


chat gpt said its okay to feel desire

and not act


i said, interesting. i'm so used to being like ahhh

jump head first like Tarzan into a tree

jumping, free riding, with no cares of the risk of falling.


its not easy to play with fire, 

i should know, i did it when i was little


you stay and in seconds if you linger, you get burned

such is the game of love

but what he wants, I don't think I can give


maybe all i can give is a ride to do an errand that i don't have 

the convenience of doing it myself. why do i want to go?

Go to NY by myself. don't bring him. you need time to process your own feelings. Go to mamai's, 

leave the laptop. Go to NY, check out the coats. Borrow $100 from Zari if its possible.


Who knows anymore? no one is honest. no one is righteous.


I've been so hard on myself my whole life. 

i walk the line, i walk it straight, 

try not to go off the road


He has the same lies Prince did (i'm not cheating. i'm basically faithful. G said he doesn't do drugs.

like .....? what?) then proceeds all the drugs he does. James did the same shit. Maybe i am attracting the same shit. WHO KNOWS? BUT ITS GOOD TO THINK, WRITE, WHILE I FEEL ALL THESE THINGS.

I did used to have a thing with drug dealers.

he doesnt deal drugs

but its the way he relaxes,


DWELL IN THE SHADOW OF THE ALMIGHTY

he dwells in the high


I'm trying to find God the mysteries of that scripture

there's a thing too, where i reveal myself then i feel like I'm crazy


Such a fear of being myself. I showed him enough yesterday

maybe its time to go back on my shell


I need time to think, to decompress

I don't trust, I don't trust men


He could be saying all these things to get me to bed

at least I'm not 20 and i am aware but i believe him

but I've been deceived before


so much in my head and in fantasy mode its hard to miss


Fantasy for me is not a genre, its a way of being

I'm singing in the morning because its my time.

It's almost time to log on. I gotta catch the Broadway bus. 

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