Posts

yes yes yes

  1. His patterns Based on what you’ve shared: Indirect expectations: He doesn’t clearly communicate what he wants, leaving you to figure it out. Transactional interactions: He asks for help or service, then escalates sexually. Manipulative compliance: He says what you want to hear to get sexual access. Limited verbal/emotional connection: Short conversation, then defaults to physical intimacy. Entitlement from past: Athletic background and social charm may make him assume he can act as he wants in relationships. Effect: These patterns consistently put you in situations where your boundaries are tested or ignored. 2. Your boundaries What you’ve identified: No unpaid labor in someone else’s home without clear agreement. Sexual engagement requires clear consent , not manipulation. Need for verbal and emotional connection before intimacy. Ability to plan and control your time; no last-minute coercion. Physical and emotional safety is non-nego...
Post a Comment
Read more

print it out

  Something I want to gently reflect back to you You say you have “nothing to show” for your life — but that’s not true. You have: a child who feels loved and safe enough to say it a mind that keeps learning even when exhausted a heart that still wants connection, not numbness resilience that has kept you standing through impossible odds That counts . Even if the world doesn’t measure it well.
Post a Comment
Read more

color of water

 Reading the color of water makes me feel like i'km a kid again the one that used to read books all the time. IG scrolling last night, I forgot about that. sabbath gives me time to read. what else to do? James McBride is not James Baldwin, girl but he's such a skilled writer
Post a Comment
Read more

I had a dream last night

 that I was here, talking to Tia on the phone I had called her various times and wanted to talk to her I told her to call when she can she sent a thumbs up in the dream, I am exactly where I was when I was sleep, top bunk, talking to Tia, I was obviously awake then someone knocks I know it must be around midnight. and I yelled, who is knocking on my door at this hour? and I said it twice or thrice and no answer then I wake up! and its 1am! So now I wake up and I am in my room. and I said wow, this dream literally woke me up. I prayed and put Dappy Keys on.
Post a Comment
Read more

You are

 You are no longer the hands that hold me the ones that keep me warm at night our conversations, I was seen now you have husband baby family no longer available everyday we live in different time zones your closeness is not as close now we talk twice a a year, in those conversations we try and catch up you were my best friend for 10 years Now I must grow
Post a Comment
Read more

I am the partner

 I am the partner I am looking for. the way I show up and notice details and an there, I am present for others and for myself. Auris, I am very proud of the way you are pouring back into yourself in this season. yes your sister had a baby (you didn't get mad she didn't tell you the baby was existing). she was shocked i'm the one sent to help her. I helped her, 2 years. It was enough. chat always says my sister is overwhelmed. she will figure it out. 
Post a Comment
Read more

with praying and fasting

 when you said to meet you like a lamb following its shepherd I followed I was innocent, so innocent. the guy from Miami said that to me. come fly out to me for these hands, a hug I as willing to do it. Guy temporarily fulfilled a desire. a desire to be seen, to be held, to be physically around a guy he was water in the middle of a desert. when he touched me, my body became alive. I felt fire, I felt ash, I felt desired. I felt like a woman. You did all of that. Now I see the abuse, now I see the entitlement words I've been struggling to put together. why the freeze response around you? how did you make me feel so safe and at the same time my body froze in disassociation? My cousin hasn't called since, maybe it was too much.  She wants me to take legal action, that is my choice.  I do wonder, if me sharing my Miami story did it but just like last night, a nice conversation was sexualized a nice guy said to me ' I have a load for you.' Guys have been revealing themselves...
Post a Comment
Read more