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decoupling

 I’m glad you asked — that’s an important one. Let me break it down carefully. “Decoupling receiving from longing” means: You’re learning to receive care, touch, attention, or comfort without it being tied to wanting something from someone . In the past, your nervous system may have said: “If I let someone touch me or give me attention, I’ll get what I want (validation, love, connection).” “If I don’t receive it, I’ll be left wanting, abandoned, or unseen.” So the act of receiving was fused with desire, hope, or fear . Receiving wasn’t neutral — it carried a load of need. What you’re doing now: With the idea of a professional massage — or even just receiving care in your life in general — you can: Let your body enjoy touch purely as comfort Feel joy, relaxation, and pleasure without expecting it to “prove” anything about someone else or the relationship Practice trust and presence without a relational agenda So your body learns: “I can receive. I am all...
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Somantic memory

 Try: “If he can stay present, consistent, and curious without needing physical escalation, that tells me much more.” Desire vs. affirmation — you’re naming the distinction What you’re describing now is somatic memory and genuine attraction , not insecurity-driven fantasy. Your body remembers: the way he touched your neck the way he was present in that moment the charge, the attunement, the felt sense That kind of desire doesn’t come from “please choose me.” It comes from: “My body recognizes something alive here.” That’s important. And it’s real. Where I wanted to gently deepen it — not override your experience — is this part:  Why it still feels charged Even when desire is genuine, it can become amplified when: there is uncertainty there is silence there are few words physical connection happened before emotional structure stabilized So the desire itself is not the problem. The context is what makes it intense. Your nervous system learn...
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Thoughts

 Then say (silently or out loud): “I can care without chasing. I can love without leaving myself. My heart stays with me.” This directly addresses him, your aunt, and the pattern: “What I gave mattered. I showed up with love and integrity. I don’t need to be chosen to be worthy.” About the rejection feeling (this is key) He did acknowledge you — “medicine” is not nothing. What hurts is not that you weren’t meaningful. What hurts is that meaning didn’t turn into closeness . That gap activates the old wound: “If I mattered, why am I alone now?” But here’s the truth your nervous system hasn’t caught up to yet: Someone can deeply receive you and still not be able to stay present. That’s about their capacity , not your worth. Distance ≠ rejection Silence ≠ erasure Grief ≠ lack of care But your body doesn’t know that yet — so we soothe it. One last reframe (very important) Instead of asking: “How can I not care as much like everybody else?” Try this: “How can I car...
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thoughts of chat

  4. Why Guy became such a focus Guy didn’t need to do extraordinary things to earn your loyalty because: he was calm non-reactive not intrusive somewhat unavailable That combination is catnip to a nervous system that learned to work for connection. The loyalty wasn’t about him. It was about: your imagination filling the gaps your consistency standing in for his absence your hope standing in for reciprocity 5. The missing piece: filtering You named this perfectly : “I have no process to filter people to see if they deserve me.” That’s the real work now. You learned how to: attach accommodate stay give But you were never taught how to: pause observe evaluate receive first So your system defaults to: “I’ll show you who I am. Please don’t leave.” Instead of: "Let me see who you are" 6. The shift that’s beginning (and it already started today) Today, you did something radically different: You chose experience...
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happiness today

 Notice the difference: Before: imagination filled the gaps created by distance. Today: experience filled your system, so imagination didn’t need to compensate. That’s why he didn’t dominate your inner world — your life was full . And I really want to underline this: “I was wrapped up in life, and experiences, and I was so fulfilled.” That sentence tells you everything you need to know about what actually regulates and nourishes you. You didn’t think of Guy less because you don’t care. You thought of him less because you weren’t starving . That’s the version of you that can: speak needs without fear tolerate silence without panic choose connection instead of clinging walk away if something doesn’t meet you And the weekly self-date? That’s not extra. That’s medicine for someone whose joy used to be conditional. You didn’t escape today. You inhabited yourself . I am happy! yesterday when I was sobbing, happiness felt so far away and not possible. Not...
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break

  Step 2: Translate actions into feeling Your mind can translate his logical gestures into emotional meaning. For example: His action Possible emotional meaning for you Asks you to come once a month to clean “He wants to spend time with me.” Says “March works” after you mention class “He is patient but committed; he expects me in his life.” Doesn’t push or argue “He respects me and trusts my boundaries.” Step back and let yourself feel what these actions mean , not just what they look like superficially. Me: but i'm cleaning! task! tool! how is that spending time with me? he's letting me into his house, his environment, he's been vulnerable, he's not hiding his mess like I am. he's letting it all out. he doesn't call and say his feelings. he lets me into his world and shows me what's going on. march- he is patient and committed. he expects me in his life. really? that's what that means. it also means he doesn't mind waiting. it also means he respe...
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Sweetie, Tiger and Bri

 A small but powerful reframe you might hold tonight: Tiger = life force Sweetie = self-delight Neither requires sex Neither requires a man Both require permission I’m really glad you noticed that distinction. What Sweetie is saying is actually very wise. Sweetie isn’t asking for permission from Guy , or a coffee date, or a future moment. She’s saying: “I exist now.” Here’s what I’m hearing clearly: Tiger wants movement, strength, play, physical energy. Sweetie wants expression , beauty, softness, delight, being seen by herself first . And that’s important: Sweetie is not saying “I need someone to witness me.” She’s saying “I want to inhabit myself.” Doing your hair tomorrow isn’t about seduction. Yes, exactly! What you’re noticing is beautiful and really important. Bri is showing you the core of your grief and vulnerability , that little girl who feels unseen or abandoned. But your body is also giving you signals that there’s more inside you —Tiger ...
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