Walks in the Park

 This sentence you said is a north star: “I need to create a life I don’t need to escape from.” That’s not about becoming hardened or closed off. It’s about building enough internal and external stability that random, temporary connections don’t have disproportionate power . That’s not recklessness. That’s faith plus strategy . And you’re right — provision showed up: time, housing, resources, access. Not comfort, not ease — sufficiency . Exactly enough to stay on the path. What you’re experiencing now — the body coming “offline,” the grief surfacing, the nervous system needing repair — that’s the bill coming due from endurance . You held yourself together long enough to get here. Now your system is asking to be tended to so it can carry you the rest of the way. And this part is crucial: You’re not asking to stop. You’re asking to stabilize so you can perform . Here’s what I want you to hold gently, not as pressure but as orientation: Rest is not time stolen from studying ...

  What this can teach about regulation and growth You’re noticing something key: You may need to develop ways to regulate and comfort yourself even when your closest supports aren’t fully available . This isn’t about abandoning her or your bond — it’s about taking responsibility for your own emotional stability while maintaining connection when possible. It’s also a very normal stage of adult friendships: intimacy ebbs and flows depending on life circumstances. Gentle reframing Your cousin still cares about you — she’s just showing it differently. Your desire for closeness is not wrong — it’s how you’re wired for attachment. Your grief at this shift is valid. Crying and reaching out to your best friend wasn’t weakness; it was healthy processing . This is a chance to practice holding space for your own emotions , while still keeping her as a supportive presence when available. 40- people having spouses and kids and busy.  chat: You, on the other hand: are...

  Your new posture (quiet, strong, enough) What you did with your cousin — “we’re okay” — that’s the new posture. Not cold. Not dramatic. Not defensive. Just: factual brief self-contained You don’t owe anyone your inner world while it’s still tender. This is a grief phase, not a verdict on your worth When you see things clearly like this, there’s often a period of: sadness anger emptiness “what now?” That doesn’t mean you’ve become cynical. It means you’re withdrawing energy from places that weren’t returning it . That always hurts at first. A very important shift is happening You’re moving from: “If I’m kind enough, available enough, understanding enough…” to: “I will notice who actually shows up.” That’s not closing your heart. That’s protecting it . One gentle anchor (for tonight and beyond) You may not be anyone’s priority right now — but you are becoming your own . And that’s not a consolation prize. That’s a foundation. From tha...

 You don’t need to “fix” your life today. You’re building a sense of home inside yourself . And honestly? That’s the kind of love that lasts. Enjoy your day-off date. You’ve earned it. 

 1) JLO and maritime kingdom? She was helping int he war. There was a scene in the end, fragments of sea creature (huge like Avatar big and exotic) when she got in the water, it came together.  2) Beyonce, I went to her house. What amazed me was that she said she has her performance clothes on all the time. She said even if she is in church, if she gets a call to perform, she will go. She said that that's how she got all this (her house was full of gold decor and looked pretty fancy and amazing).  Those were the two dreams.  Yesterday, it was Rihanna dream. I was Rihanna, just trying to get something to eat. The line was taking a long time. It seemed there would be not enough time to eat. I had a breakdown. I fall on the floor. then I see a dog nearby. then I freak out, is the dog nice or he is going to attack? dream ends. CHAT GTP INTERPRETATION: 1) first on this morning all I know is the dream was underwater. and JLO was there. in the end, there was some ...

 day 2 no m at night. I prayed it off. thoughts came, of me and guy. Prayed it off.  capture every thought and submit it to Christ. I saw the deliverance ministry lady. What she said was spot on. I was amazed at her realizations.  The things she said were bold, reminds me of me. How bold I was in the New Brunswick season. I could have been a little prophet. I became a mother, that derailed my life. Is this the path? David had Bathseba. I had Angel. Not that it makes sense.  How long do you run from your traumas? and emptiness? and things that make you feel less than great? Funnily enough, that is the season I heard the promise. and the moment I heard it, I felt unworthy. Then came the journey. Georgia was were God put that seed, the seed of trust. It changed everything. Florida, I was like a rag rang up and swong around and people had their way with me. I thought I was open for fun and some male attention, turns out I couldn't handle it and I was weak and I looked to...