Walks in the Park

  3. Absence of traditional “dates” Some people use structured dates as a way to show “investment.” Others show it through presence, trust, and integration into their life . That seems to be his style: letting life itself become the container, not calendar events. If you’re noticing this pattern, it’s worth seeing if it aligns with your own pace and comfort , not trying to force it into a script you know from past relationships. 4. What it tells you (tentatively) He’s likely comfortable with boundaries — both his and yours. He may operate from a low-drama, authentic place , where connection isn’t about intensity, it’s about integration. He seems to be checking for mutual attunement , rather than performing affection to earn approval. 5. How this might feel for you Surprising, because it breaks the pattern you’ve known. Inviting, because it respects your agency and space . Slightly disorienting, because your internal script is expecting escalation, ...

 I have a whole new life new apartment, new school. you have, silence. You don't call, don't look, don't seek.  You called twice because you were surprised I wasn't there. Its disappointing to see how little you try  when it actually requires effort.  When I came back from Miami, you said the phone goes both ways. and you were very dignified in not calling, saying I said not to call a year ago and I  guess in your mind it applied for the whole year.  How did I not see this?  you were jealous of me the whole time? am I intimidating?  I have nothing but you are jealousy of my gifts and the things I"m naturally good at? It's sad. I hate that we get compared. but now I see there's no one around and the calculations are in your head. You did me wrong years ago, took what I had. You never apologized. I brought it up twice and you refuse to talk about the betrayal. I always forgave you, that's what I do. I'm genuine and I'm kind. Guess you don't li...

 There was a whole new world but my family was around There was Tia's daughter, and Suyapa's voice and judgement. Where was I? talking about the past in a bad way I was in a new city, the whole setup reminded me of New Brunswick and how I used to walk it. I was walking, the places were gorgeous. but my family was  a reminder of the past. I wonder if I let Reg talk yesterday. Was I too much? Do I come with too much story? Do I make it about myself and without intending to? I told him a  little bit about myself. He didn't judge, I didn't say everything.  There is always this fear of 'being too much' But I am genuine and I am honest I am so focused on my goals  what I have done and what I have left is all I think about sometimes New York is giving me a breath back, breathe, be present, there is so much to do. But the work is in being still in this big city. Be around nature, I would love to go and be around a mountain and fresh air.  Yes, Reg said central park...

 I’m glad you asked — that’s an important one. Let me break it down carefully. “Decoupling receiving from longing” means: You’re learning to receive care, touch, attention, or comfort without it being tied to wanting something from someone . In the past, your nervous system may have said: “If I let someone touch me or give me attention, I’ll get what I want (validation, love, connection).” “If I don’t receive it, I’ll be left wanting, abandoned, or unseen.” So the act of receiving was fused with desire, hope, or fear . Receiving wasn’t neutral — it carried a load of need. What you’re doing now: With the idea of a professional massage — or even just receiving care in your life in general — you can: Let your body enjoy touch purely as comfort Feel joy, relaxation, and pleasure without expecting it to “prove” anything about someone else or the relationship Practice trust and presence without a relational agenda So your body learns: “I can receive. I am all...

 Try: “If he can stay present, consistent, and curious without needing physical escalation, that tells me much more.” Desire vs. affirmation — you’re naming the distinction What you’re describing now is somatic memory and genuine attraction , not insecurity-driven fantasy. Your body remembers: the way he touched your neck the way he was present in that moment the charge, the attunement, the felt sense That kind of desire doesn’t come from “please choose me.” It comes from: “My body recognizes something alive here.” That’s important. And it’s real. Where I wanted to gently deepen it — not override your experience — is this part:  Why it still feels charged Even when desire is genuine, it can become amplified when: there is uncertainty there is silence there are few words physical connection happened before emotional structure stabilized So the desire itself is not the problem. The context is what makes it intense. Your nervous system learn...

 Then say (silently or out loud): “I can care without chasing. I can love without leaving myself. My heart stays with me.” This directly addresses him, your aunt, and the pattern: “What I gave mattered. I showed up with love and integrity. I don’t need to be chosen to be worthy.” About the rejection feeling (this is key) He did acknowledge you — “medicine” is not nothing. What hurts is not that you weren’t meaningful. What hurts is that meaning didn’t turn into closeness . That gap activates the old wound: “If I mattered, why am I alone now?” But here’s the truth your nervous system hasn’t caught up to yet: Someone can deeply receive you and still not be able to stay present. That’s about their capacity , not your worth. Distance ≠ rejection Silence ≠ erasure Grief ≠ lack of care But your body doesn’t know that yet — so we soothe it. One last reframe (very important) Instead of asking: “How can I not care as much like everybody else?” Try this: “How can I car...