Walks in the Park

 another dream today, step. well received. God is good.  say no more. I was gonna write about my misgivings. we all know i'm here going with the flow and not knowing how I can change this around. but like usual, you and me will figure this out. 

She was depressed. She was in a room.  Tia Margot was in the next bed. It was a room with two beds. She was finally vulnerable and said she thinks God is mad at her because she made a mistake. I stood up and said Dios es un Dios de amor y misericordia.  and I kept saying it and Tia Margot looked at me surprised. Like surprised that God was using me.  Dream ends. The dream before that was a guy, he had a girlfriend. He was always with her.  In one arm she was there. The other arm, there was me. It's like we were both linked to him. but I felt special, like he was only for me. Interesting.

The beginning to me sounds like a  soundtrack to a movie. I picture a field with tall grass fields on both sides and a lady driving in a big blue old school car.  As the song continues it brings up an intense feeling of nostalgia. The dada part evokes an ease of life. The snap part and the lyric about being part of community  (felt like we belong) is the highlight of the song.  HIT GOLD. 9/23 10:44pm

 this whole years has been about that. oh and how many feelings I have. Yes. And I think that's one of the biggest realizations you've been having this year: you have a lot of feelings. 😭 Not in a “you're too emotional” way. More like… you spent so much of your life being responsible, adapting, handling things, figuring things out, taking care of your son, moving forward—that there wasn't always much room to notice what was happening inside you . And this year, it's almost like the feelings keep introducing themselves: Oh, there's grief. Oh, there's loneliness. Oh, I really want partnership. Oh, I miss being cared for. Oh, I'm angry. Oh, I'm hopeful. Oh, I love beauty and music and being out. Oh, I want adventure. Oh, I want to be chosen. Oh, I need a witness. Oh, I actually really enjoy people. Oh, I want to be feminine and playful. Oh, I'm tired. Oh, I have joy too. And the interesting part is that the feelings aren't all...

This week I signed up to take Deon to the sitter so his mother can do her training. a little thing Today I knew she comes after some time and the area is horrible. So I hung out in a better area. He likes the trains, the sound of the subway underneath our feet. He waved his arms when he saw something he liked.  I kept talking to him even though he doesn't talk back. I know kids are always listening.  Kody went to her training. later on, she said she was studying for a test. I went to drop off the pot that she had let me borrow yesterday. I am here, Lord. I wonder if I should ''girl get up.' that phrase that keeps being in my head.  I was looked at with so much reverence today by the person I speak to at night when I cant sleep. the person God had the message for a couple of weeks ago. I do love the Bible study. It's not Thursday yet. I'm gonna have to cancel the appointment. there's the back to school night same night unless we do the Lyft code maybe we can ...

 Lady: Dream- Amaka, Ike  We were all the room. 1. Me, my husband, and my son. The door was wide open. ( Lack of boundaries, you were open. Husband opened the door. Under his leadership and Jane wanting a be good wife, she allowed the door  to be open).  It will come a season where Jane will rise up and not be afraid to take more of a leadership position in the marriage.  Husband, Nonso, grew up more in community settings. For Jane and her well being you need more silent spaces and time to decompress.  Your image of the home is different.) Auris- in African home the woman has her own space. right now, Jane does not feel like that in her home. that's why it takes so much for her to go back home. Sometimes the times in the car, and the waiting area in the job Jane looks for spaces like that so that she can be alone, so that she can decompress. 2. Jane and her husband is in the bedroom and the door is open. Son is there.  There is a lack of privacy. ...