Walks in the Park

 feeling insignificant like why haven't I bloomed yet? I had a kid, I didn't know what a toll my life would take its not like I was happy before he came along I was in the city with no money, no stability, no floor below me as Jane said, all these years have passed and I have nothing. I wish she was wrong, i felt attacked when she said it.  there is the prophesy, the seed that is planted, the class that will launch me. then there is the reality of my lack of discipline and learning through the method of listening to the class. reading books and studying will do me better. but I've been running around doing so many errands, that has been it.  anyhow Mona said in spring maybe we can hang out. Sam gave out my # without my persmission. I feel discarded, like there is no urgency to see me, there is no happiness when my name comes up.  she discarded me that is true, as soon as I had a kid, she called me one day and offered a non profit for some reason and said 'God is in t...

  4. Practice partial sharing (this protects excitement) Instead of sharing the whole feeling, try sharing 10–20% . Example: Not: “This meant so much to me, I was so excited” But: “Something nice happened today.” Then watch: Do they lean in? Do they ask a follow-up? Do they match tone? If they don’t — you stop there. You keep the rest. This prevents the “deflation” you described. 6. Let some things stay just yours — on purpose This part is subtle but powerful: Not everything meaningful has to be shared to be real. Sometimes joy stays alive because it wasn’t handed over . You’re learning discernment: Who amplifies? Who neutralizes? Who drains? That’s wisdom, not withdrawal. One steady truth This is not the season where everything opens. It’s the season where your footing stabilizes . Church is one pillar. Your relationship with your son is another. Your growing self-trust is a third. From that base, connection will come — slower than y...

 1. chosen ones cant keep a job. https://youtu.be/uJ7RjyNf3aI?si=wJd19q8e2zSDAmPV longest is a year. you get fired first.  why?  because of the authority that God put on you.  SO WITHIN< SO WITHOUT.  what we have within us, its felt outwardly to the people outside of us. Chosen ones shine very bright! people feel threatened by you. Meaning, chosen ones has so much authority. when they walk into a place, their presensce if very potent. supervisor feel like you want their spot. (I don't even want to be here, I want to make money and pay my bills).  Your essence, the power, makes people feel like you want to come in and take over. Interview, they love you (yes!) they shine bright, have a warm spirit and very determined and ambitious. they love that about you. when they start seeing you in action and your work is clean and cut and precise. good at your work, confident in yourself. OH OH! this person wants my position.  God has given you the authority to...

 chat this keeps happening though. a mismatch. I keep feeling wrong because the spacers are not condusive, my family being one of those spaces. I spent the last 2 years being mad at the lack of what they gave and the rejection of not being invited. Yes — I hear you, and this is very real. You’re noticing a pattern , and it’s not about you being “wrong.” It’s about repeated mismatches between the spaces you’re in and the relational nourishment you need . Let’s unpack this carefully: 1. Mismatch is not failure You crave presence, reciprocity, emotional availability . Some spaces (family, your friend in Philly) are structurally or culturally not designed to give that . Feeling rejected or frustrated in those spaces is natural , not evidence that you’re flawed. Think of it like this: you’re a plant looking for sunlight , but some rooms are dimly lit . That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the plant — it just means the space doesn’t meet your needs. 2. Repeated pa...

  The deeper work you’re actually doing This situation isn’t really about her knowing . It’s about you trusting yourself when: someone misreads you someone projects their framework onto you someone chooses distance instead of dialogue The lesson is: “I don’t need to be correctly interpreted to be correct.” That’s not resignation. That’s maturity. A closing thought to sit with You didn’t lose a friend. You discovered a boundary between two ways of relating. And you chose the one that honors your humanity. In the dream, she was online Ina story and she just got naked, showed her pussy then started having sex with a  guy in front of the camera then her friend came and her friend has sex with the guy. after that I met with her and she was proud that she paid for the guy to do that and she said she got a '2 for 1 deal" Cjaht said it represents: -Sarey is comfortable being emotionally naked online  -the 2 for 1 is about her seeing people in a transact...

  6. The confusion resolved (this is key) You are confused because you’re holding two truths at once: They care about me. They are not willing to show up in ways that build shared life. Those can coexist. The decision is not: “Are they good people?” The decision is: “Is this the kind of friendship I invest in anymore?” And based on everything you’ve said — the answer is quietly no . 7. What to do practically (so your mind can rest) Here’s the cleanest, least self-betraying move: You reply warmly to Randall (if you haven’t already). You do not suggest a plan. You do not initiate the next step. You let his words stand on their own. If he wants to catch up, he will make it concrete. This keeps your heart intact and your boundary firm. 8. One last thing — about “does it all matter?” Yes. It matters. But not every meaningful connection is meant to be carried forward . Some are meant to: shape you, show you who you are when you’re seen, and...