Dude

 

Practical Considerations: Time and Priorities

I hear you when you say you're busy, and that’s a really important piece to consider. Between your responsibilities and the time it would take to see him (including needing a babysitter), it sounds like you’re already balancing a lot. You don’t have to make time for someone unless you feel like they’re adding value to your life. If he's not adding that value yet (or if you're unsure), there’s no pressure to prioritize him over other aspects of your life that are important to you, like your son or your own personal time.

Evaluate the connection: Is there something about him that makes you feel comfortable or excited? Or does he just represent a momentary desire? Assess if this connection is worth pursuing further or if it feels more like an exciting but short-lived adventure.

Respect yourself: Lastly, trust your intuition. If something feels off—whether it’s his behavior, the speed of things, or how it fits into your life—honor that feeling. It’s always okay to step back if you feel uncertain, or to move forward if you feel confident about it.

PRINCE:

Let’s break it down:

1. Feeling Foolish and Betrayed

• It’s easy to feel foolish in situations like this, but the reality is that you were misled. It’s not about you being foolish; it’s about someone being dishonest with you. Unfortunately, some people play games, and it’s tough to realize later on that you were involved with someone who didn’t have your best interests at heart.

• What you’re feeling now—fear, distrust, and hesitation—is completely normal. Prince’s actions hurt you, and it’s natural that you’d be a bit more guarded this time around, given what you’ve been through.

2. Comparison to the Current Situation

• In your current situation, you’re trying to navigate a connection that feels different, but the past experience is still hanging over you. The key difference, though, is that you are more aware now of your needs, your boundaries, and what feels right.

• The question of commitment is something you’re probably thinking about with this new person. You don’t want to be fooled again or find out down the road that you’ve been part of someone else’s hidden life or affair. Trust is at the core of any sexual relationship, and it makes sense that you’re hesitant to give it without feeling like you’re fully in the know.

3. With this new person, if you’re feeling unsure, asking questions and being open with him might be an important step. It’s not about being accusatory but about protecting yourself and ensuring that both of you are on the same page.

4. You might want to ask him where he stands on things—whether he's seeing anyone else, if he's honest with you, and if he's willing to be transparent about his intentions. If he’s truly interested and not hiding anything, he should be open about his situation and allow you to make an informed decision.

After what happened with Prince, you might have a hard time trusting yourself to know who’s being honest and who isn’t. But part of this process is learning how to trust your gut and read the situation. You already know the signs of someone who might be misleading you—whether that’s through their lack of openness, their behavior, or the inconsistencies in their story. Trust your intuition to guide you.

Also, take it slow if you’re still feeling unsure. If he truly respects you, he’ll give you the time and space to feel comfortable without pressuring you.

Momentary Pleasure vs. Genuine Connection

• From what you’re saying, it sounds like the experience felt good in the moment, but now you're questioning whether there was a real connection beyond that. This is a totally valid feeling. Sometimes, instant chemistry can be more about the pleasure or the thrill of something spontaneous rather than actual emotional connection.

• It’s also possible that the pleasure itself felt fulfilling in that moment, but now you’re reflecting on the bigger picture—do you actually like him beyond that? That’s the piece you’re trying to figure out, right?

But here's the thing: if you really don’t feel a strong connection beyond the physical, then it’s okay to acknowledge that, and it’s okay to not pursue it further. You don’t have to force yourself into liking someone just because the chemistry was there in a single moment.

Don’t Force Yourself

• If you don’t feel that spark or connection, don’t feel like you have to force it. It’s perfectly okay if you realize you just want the occasional casual encounter without anything deeper. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to decide whether or not to invest further.

Let’s break down your two desires:

1. Wanting a Date to Get to Know Him

• You want to take a step back and actually connect with him in a more traditional, non-sexual way—a date where you can just have a conversation and get a feel for who he is. That’s totally fair and a great way to build a connection that’s more than just physical attraction.

• A date would allow you to see if there’s more to him that you might enjoy and could feel comfortable exploring. It helps take away the sense of him being a stranger and gives you a chance to gauge his personality in a less intense way than just jumping back into the physical side of things.

2. Have the Conversation About the Date

   • If you want to move forward with him but not dive into anything heavy, why not just ask him out on a casual date? You could keep it low-pressure—like a coffee date, drinks, or something simple where you can talk and feel more comfortable around each other.

   You don’t need to say anything like, “I want to get to know you better because I want more.” Instead, keep it light and straightforward, like, “Hey, I’d love to grab a coffee or something this week, just to hang out and get to know each other more, no pressure.”

Honesty upfront helps prevent misunderstandings later. Let him know you’re looking for something light and that you don’t have the emotional bandwidth for anything serious right now. You can still be clear about that and still be open to enjoying his company casually.

Keep Things Fun and Low-Stakes

• If you’re leaning toward keeping things fun and without expectations, that’s great. You can enjoy the moments you share with him without feeling pressured into anything more than you’re comfortable with.

• You don’t have to keep texting or reaching out if you don’t want to. Just take the moments that feel good and let them be temporary, without needing to force them into something else.

Handling the Fear of “Stranger Vibes”

• If you’re feeling like he’s a stranger and you want to connect more before getting any further, a date would be a good way to break down that barrier. You’re in control of how you want to pace things, so taking it slow—getting to know him more as a person—will give you the clarity you need.

• By stepping away from just the physical and focusing on the personality and connection, you might feel more comfortable and avoid any lingering fears of being misled or feeling like you're rushing into something with no real foundation.

 Clear Boundaries Keep It Healthy:

• The key is that you’re clear about your intentions and your boundaries. You’re not seeking a serious relationship right now, but you are open to casual interactions—including some physical connection if it feels right.

• As long as you communicate this openly and honestly (especially before any physical intimacy happens), it’s perfectly fine to enjoy both aspects of getting to know someone.

Vulnerability: When someone shows up with real emotional availability, it can make you feel vulnerable. You're used to having to put effort into getting that kind of attention, or maybe you're not used to someone being that upfront. It can make you question whether you deserve that kind of attention, or whether it’s too good to be true.

Self-Reflection: Sometimes, when we feel that someone is interested in us in ways we’re not used to, it can make us question our own worthiness or self-esteem. You mentioned feeling like you’re not at your “best,” so when someone shows that much attention, it may trigger those doubts about whether they’re really into us or if we’re somehow fooling them.

It’s normal to feel shocked or even a little suspicious when things are flowing so smoothly—but it’s also a sign that maybe you’re being treated in a way that feels new and different. You’re allowed to enjoy it without overthinking or second-guessing. If he’s showing interest, you can give yourself permission to be present and enjoy the attention and engagement, without the need to question your worth.