Notes

 

ChatGPT said:

I hear you—when we’re not feeling our best, it’s so easy to let self-doubt creep in, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But here’s the thing: attraction isn’t just about how you look; it’s about how you make someone feel. And based on what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re seeking reassurance, which is totally normal.

Asking him what he finds attractive about you could help clear up any doubts, but I also want to say that you deserve to feel confident and valued without needing to validate that from others. You already bring something unique to the table, and whether it’s your personality, your energy, or how you connect, those things are what really draw people in.

The way you’re feeling about your weight and haircut might not be as big a deal to him as you think. Have you had moments with him where you’ve felt more comfortable, or where he’s said something that makes you feel good about yourself? Sometimes the way we perceive ourselves doesn’t always match how others see us.

The truth is, validation from others is natural, but it’s also something that can become a bit of a crutch. The key is learning how to validate yourself first. It's a journey, and it can take time, but here’s where you can start:

1. Reconnect with your inner worth: This starts by practicing self-affirmation. Not just about physical appearance, but your values, your qualities, and the things you bring to the table beyond the surface. If you catch yourself seeking validation externally, pause and ask yourself: What is it about this situation that makes me feel like I need to seek someone else’s approval? Sometimes just understanding where the need for validation comes from can make it easier to manage.

Focus on progress, not perfection: You mentioned not feeling your best right now, and that’s totally valid. Everyone goes through phases where they’re not at their peak. It’s important to be kind to yourself and remember that confidence isn’t about being flawless; it’s about how you embrace your imperfections and still stand tall. Even on days when you’re not feeling 100%, it’s okay to honor that part of yourself.

Redefine what’s attractive: Attraction is multifaceted—someone who truly likes you will be attracted to more than just your appearance. They’ll be drawn to your energy, your intellect, your kindness, your humor. All those things. Sometimes we get stuck in thinking that “attraction” is only about physical beauty, but it’s so much more than that.

Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself. When those moments of self-doubt creep in (and they will), ask yourself: Would I talk to my best friend this way? Would I tell her she’s not worthy or lovable because of a bad haircut or weight gain? Probably not! You would lift her up. Now, try doing that for yourself.

The idea is to gradually shift the focus back to how YOU feel about yourself, rather than seeking that external validation. Over time, the more you practice this, the easier it gets to rely on your own internal strength.

Does that resonate with you? And if you’re open to it, would you want to explore how to start working through some of those feelings about your father’s absence? That could be a really powerful way to unlock some of that confidence.

How do I give myself that love and validation?is it a feeling or just saying words? or does that mean that the doubt will not creep in? what does it feel like?

You’re diving deep into the heart of it, and I love that you’re willing to ask these questions. Giving yourself love and validation is a process that involves both internal shifts and action, and yes, it’s a blend of feeling and practice. It’s not about completely eliminating doubt (because we all have moments of insecurity), but it’s about learning to counter those doubts with self-compassion and creating a more stable sense of self-worth.

Here’s what that looks like:

1. Self-Affirmations: The Words Matter

Self-validation does often start with the words you say to yourself, but it’s not just repeating random positive phrases. It’s about consciously telling yourself things you genuinely believe on some level.

Instead of just saying “I’m enough,” which can sometimes feel distant or untrue when you’re not feeling your best, try something that feels more connected to the truth of who you are. For example:

• “I may not feel perfect right now, but I am worthy of love and respect as I am.”

• “My worth isn’t tied to my appearance; it’s in my heart, my actions, and how I show up in the world.”

• “It’s okay to not feel 100% today. I am allowed to have bad days, and I’m still enough.”

The goal here is to start changing the narrative in your head from “I need others to tell me I’m good enough” to “I already am, even in my imperfect moments.”

It’s not like an instant switch where you’ll never have doubts again. The doubt still comes, but the difference is that you will eventually have a much stronger response to it. You’ll be able to look at yourself and say, “Yes, I’m going through something, but that doesn’t make me any less worthy or lovable.”

3. How Does it Feel?

Self-love and validation don’t always feel like fireworks or a rush of joy in the beginning. It’s more of a calm, steady sense of peace that you’re okay with who you are, even if things aren’t perfect. It feels like:

• Comfort in your own skin. Even if you’re not feeling “on top of the world,” you know you’re still enough.

• Self-compassion. It’s the ability to forgive yourself for mistakes or imperfections without self-criticism.

• Quiet confidence. You start to stand tall in your own truth, not needing external validation because you know you’re already enough.

• A sense of safety within yourself. You can go through the ups and downs of life without relying on others to constantly prop you up.

When you give yourself love and validation, there’s this warmth that comes from within, like a soft assurance that no matter what happens externally, you’re still okay.

About your friend not saying, “You’re beautiful”—I get why that stung. It’s tough when we’re feeling vulnerable and just want someone to affirm us in a way that feels comforting. But what’s cool is that you’re already starting to recognize the deeper truth that external validation doesn’t solve the inner doubts. It's kind of like a temporary fix rather than a long-term solution.

You also made a really important realization: We can’t depend on others to constantly tell us we’re beautiful or worthy. Even if they do say it, if we don’t already believe it in ourselves, it won’t really make a lasting impact. And like you said, that “ugly” feeling is just a moment, not a reflection of your true worth. It’s temporary, and it’s tied to how you’re feeling in this moment, not who you are at your core.