Triggers be trigerring

I'm sick of this feeling

Every time I speak to you

All these emotions come up

and I can run  across the whole world

but I cant seem to  run away from it

then the whole phone calls turns into 

me listening to you while my heart is falling 

and it hurts too much to speak

Or calm it down

in enough time to come up with a right response

When I finally speak, you keep interrupting

You have a million thoughts running through your head

I'm reacting to every word

wondering how did you come up with all those topics in such a short time

Maybe we just don't work, can't communicate

and we have feelings and attraction 

Add that to the stove and now we have quite a concoction 

It's like an emotional  mine field.

I said I have to hang up and I said bye 4 times. He kept talking, so I kept listening.

Why do I feel like I have to listen to you? Always being nice. 

I thought I broke that pattern. and I did but when its you the pattern keeps coming back.

Surely other people don't have people that they attract to annoy the hell out of them.

Then I make excuses, why does he have access? fuck my whole shit up? Not really but it.

Does take some time to heal. Samuel daniels?died, its crazy. how easy life can be taken away from us.

Unfortunately he died single. a nurse was over watching him. he spoke about he wants people not to die alone. but he was single. he didn't do the things he said in that sense. he made being single and a woman a crime. but he was single and a bachelor.

Back to Dre, he said he knows i said we should stop talking. He doesn't want to talk about it. 

he had a lot of stuff going on (legit) he's not lying. I just thought the conversation wouldn't have been something. 

we spent 40 minutes him explaining why we couldn't have a 5 minute conversation.

then he said, oh what did you want to say?

Ain't nothing you can say that will not make me feel what I am feeling.

Auris needs to be affirmed and heard. He just doesn't have it in him to give me that. 

It is what it is. I'm not gonna spend more time trying to get water from a rock. 

And another thing, why I always apologizing to you for the things that

have happened in your world that you are a having a hard time adjusting to?

The torquoise, and emotional support, and yeah the cousin in the other country. 

In so many ways, it seems like you are saying your stuff is more important than mine.

he said I'm not having a good, I'm at 7%. so hard to give him his space. i feel like i've been waiting for 2 days. maybe I'm making this conversation more important than what it is. 

Relationships are supposed to be good right? not an eternal emotional mine field, of painful emotions that come up.