I cried last night

 The wall broke


My heart was broken by my daddy


First hearbreak


I cried for the first time


I've been carrying that for so long


A wound with a scab


It bled last night


I was hurt


Angel was nothing compared to that, he was the second heartbreak I guess

Ryan was a disappointment. he made promises he couldn't keep

Never honest with himself, always the salesman


I was the prize/ but what was the point of pretending?



Realized Tio Dennis and even my search for brothers has been about looking for a dad.


Male guidance, from someone that cares.


Marvin liking me felt like a betrayal. It was supposed to be a father/brother love,

nothing more. then becoming something where you are not even sure you want,


Don't play with me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Compromising

Image
Who am I? Who are you? Are you pretending, just like I am too? Then there is a pair of us, don't tell!!! Then they will know, then they will see... Just like Adam saw Eve and they hid because they saw that they were naked and were ashamed.   So why are we ashamed? To be who we are? Why do we settle? To please others at the compromise of ourselves. Why, oh why, does this tale go this way? Like Don Quijote, I've been searching for  adventures,  but no worries hasn't taken me 700  pages to get to it.  I am still walking through this  life and today I   made a choice:  I will not  compromise, just like my  roomate Faith would  say  'Never settle for  less.'  Because when you settle  oh boy, t he good  thing you were waiting for, now  you won't get it.   But when you refuse to settle  you  are walking  along this road  and then one day  ...
Read more

Dispatch zoom 2.25.22

1) Use Ashley for factoring. 2) Freight Guard- it's not forever. It means someone is delivering freight late, its like a black list. It's not reliable.  3) 3 updates a day, when you do get a load. hey we're there. we picked up. we're in route. we are done. those are it.  Justin: I used to do uber freight. they would call even if i put updates. they call at 11pm. I would email them, it would be okay. (with most brokers). a lot of people dont know how to communicate, when they find someone that does its valuable.  4) terminable offense: denying too many loads. it happens with box trucks. people that pay 50k for their truck they value the opportunity.  b. pick up the phone call. when i call, i need to talk right away.  c. carrier doing the right thing and its not a good carrier, just leave them alone.  d. that money ,you not letting the money come on time. auto charge. credit card authorization. stripe email, you forward to charge the card on the weekly. ...
Read more

Guess who?

This time of the year is feeling lonely. I cut off my hair and joined a gym. Am tired from lack of sleep. This is the new scandal: Manuel is not the father. Say What??? So I stayed up last night and we talked about it. He took it well (just like the first time) but he keeps the door open, then one that I have closed. Waiting patiently for my husband. I'm already 29. God take your time don't want to rush like before. Just want to sleep and feel more than lonely when I walk the streets. Baby crying in my ear, I'm tired. Applying for jobs and going outside in the coldest winter ever, with a baby and a stroller and getting yelled at by my mother who wants me to keep the baby (and therefore myself) inside all the time. But all the things I want are outside my comfort zone so go figure. Life, what do you have? Love, when will you come? I've stopped idolizing you and am settling for this feeling when I'm alone walking the streets. Baby is so sweet but I just w...
Read more