Church today

 i thought of that scripture it was good

i thikn i slept a couple of times

but i ketp playing it off

me in a hoodie its always feels like a blanket to me and then i fall asleep

i dont like that hoodie, the pockets make no sense being on the side

i read Go back to your country book in full. that was my morming.

i cired when he started tt bank of amerca, same back i started at.

the similatiries. reminded me of Florida nad me watching George, not knowing it

will be a story about a man getting saved.

i looked for the scripture and could not find it. church service was about temptation.

i though to the guy that tempted me in miami, he was very attractive. he could not even commit to a sit down dinner.

resist the devil and he shall flee is only thing i found in the james scriptires. anyhow he had a scripture about be full of faithfulnes,, etC ETC

and i was like all i do is work and be with my son. i'm not doing anything 'sinful' right now. and the scripture had all these wonderful stuff and i was like okay i heard you. so i should write it down and have it in my bedroom, see it everyday.

so that i know that i have good stuff instead of this boredom i have.

i saw the lady play the piano and i remembered my desire to play that instrument when i was younger.

i asked her about it, she said she had time to practice in church but she started with the base (the first 4 strings of the guitar). 

and i thoguht maybe i should take up piano as a hobby at home while i'm bored?

i'm grateful i had a book to read. 

i miss the book with the 2 best friends that kept doing recipes and keeping in touch about it. 

if you cant have adventure, the least you can do is read about it. 

we did play a board game the other day, for hte first time. checkers, Alex learned how to play and he's good at it. he got it.

in my bin I'm pretty sure I have a book about travel with picutres, it was supposed to be a coffe table book. I still dont have a house with a coffee table. but i do have a table. i put yellow candles and a plant with superficial yellow daffoils in it. and it was nice.

GOD REMINDED ME THE TIME I WANTED THE TAKE CARE OF THE LITTLE GIRL.

and reminded me how i want things and they dont fill me. and He's right. 

Right now I MIGHT BE sad because of the unfulfilled dream of going to law school. i thought wow 2 years have passed. alex is 10 now. by 15 i could ne a lawyer if i start now. i'm tired of starting and stopping and the rug being pulled from under me.

new brunsiwck, go be a teacher, it was my soul i am a teacher, its bigger than just a position to do. GOD REVEALED THAT. HE ALSO REVEALED A LOT ABOUT ME. 

intimate things, that only him and me understand. 

in Miami i could not commit to the cuban tours, everything reminded me of dr but it wasnt dr then 

i was like, i shoudl just go home instread of trying to recreate it. 

I picked up this book, had no idea it would be him turning to Christ and being saved.

then at the end i'm like 2 week course to get real estate license? that's easy.

and i looked and he teaches the class downtown! i was like full circle.

its $225 for a deal and $440 for another one. 

then i thought auris dont start things and dont finish them.

and i remembered the thing i signed up for to get a remote job. 

i feel like i'm desperate and i want more money and 

getting a car feels silly but it is a need but its like do i even want to be here? no.

did God not say move to Miami Beach? then of course the crazy thing but that fades deeper and deeper into the background. 

i know it will make me happy. i was at church and remembering that if i was in Miami church i could exit and go to the beach straightaway. 

it was so hard to go to church today. holy spirit kept urgning me, just go. 

oh, i talked to the pastor. he said he was in the book. he's the brother to his wife. i thought he was the pastor from cityline church. everything is intertwined.