talk with God

 I go into instagram

and it be suggesting all these careers

and way to make money


my desire is of course to have my own business

have no skills?

do I already have them? am I not who I'm supposed to be?


how do I get to greatness

I thought the word you told me would happen

it kept me going 10 years ago

now its 10 years later

I've given my kid all I have

I feel deflated

need joy happiness, air inside my balloon


I start yelling when I'm tired

and he grunts at my talking

most of our fights happen when we are late


I see no one can bring me peace

I knew that already


if I can hack the brain

and be successful



I get overwhelmed so feel like hiding under a blanket


show up to school and show up to work

is like the minimum


and that minimum is so hard

we put our soul in the table for that


I was so exhausted.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hooking Up

When I was in college, there was something called 'hooking up.'  I'm not sure if people still use the term now, but back then it was an inconspicuous term. It could mean anything. When you asked your roommate, 'so what happened between you and the guy last night?'  And she would reply 'We hooked up.' It could mean anything from first base all the way up to home run.  It could mean a kiss, it could mean that they did it raw. Who knows?  You would have to ask a series of  follow-up questions to get to the bottom of what happened. I find it interesting in today's day and age the way women and men treat each other. Seems like no one wants responsibility. Where are the good men that stay until the morning and call the next day?  Where are the good women that can cook and keep a house? Does anyone know what do to after the hook up? It seems to me like our culture and hip-hop songs glamorize the temporary pleasures of sex without mentioning anything about r
Read more

New Girl

Image
I remember watching this show, and then reading a commentary.  The commentary said, seriously never move in with guys on an  apartment ad you found on craigslist.  How insane is that?  I thought. I would never do that! Then I got lawyered (How I Met  Your Mother reference). The situation of me having to get out of  the house by the 1st has me on a scavenger hunt for an apartment  in New Brunswick. Right now what's available (and that I can  afford)  is the place I saw yesterday with 2 guys (how desperate  am I that I  answered the ad?)  Location wise, it's cool. A  walk from Easton Ave and the train station but far enough that it's  still boom-docky).  It's like suburban except it's 15 minutes away  from the city, not half an hour.  So yeah $450 rent, utilities average  $15 to $20 a month. Doable for now.  Landlord wants 1k for  security. Oh chucks!   Waitressing left me with $30 yesterday. Let's  hope better for today (What happened to the $100 a day Jeff
Read more

Guess who?

This time of the year is feeling lonely. I cut off my hair and joined a gym. Am tired from lack of sleep. This is the new scandal: Manuel is not the father. Say What??? So I stayed up last night and we talked about it. He took it well (just like the first time) but he keeps the door open, then one that I have closed. Waiting patiently for my husband. I'm already 29. God take your time don't want to rush like before. Just want to sleep and feel more than lonely when I walk the streets. Baby crying in my ear, I'm tired. Applying for jobs and going outside in the coldest winter ever, with a baby and a stroller and getting yelled at by my mother who wants me to keep the baby (and therefore myself) inside all the time. But all the things I want are outside my comfort zone so go figure. Life, what do you have? Love, when will you come? I've stopped idolizing you and am settling for this feeling when I'm alone walking the streets. Baby is so sweet but I just w
Read more