How is it going? good

I lied

I learned a long time ago

most people can't deal when I'm broken

they ask for explanations 

like I know what's going on

all I know is that I can't breathe

and listening to your doubts

is making me sink even lower

and your lack of understanding

is easier to focus

than my sensitive 

out of this world feelings

that grow sa big as mountains around me

when I fail to keep sinking them just to keep on living 

the way you want me to

sit like a good girl

Don't talk back like a good daughter

and don't bother your brother he's always working

and your sisters, call her again its 7pm she's still not home

and I try to be with you but all you do is tell me to clean

that's all you know, to do with me, make me your servant

never speak to me or ask me how was school or hug me or tell me you love me

all you knew is to pay the rent and cook 1 meal a day

makes promiess you never intended to keep

bring me to US, far from all I knew with no explanation

and no asking me qeustions of how the last 6 years were

but you treat my aunt bad because you presume to know everything

you have a habit of never talking abotu anything

and then judge me and judge yourself and keep everythign

hidden under a rug that over the years grows as big a bear

wanting to get out and destroy the whole house down 

I say this is better than the mental hospital

you don't like that

you have good food and no one is locking me up

i can take a walk in the morning

and my kid is in the next room, I didn't have to give him up

why must it be this hard to get help?

and why is my friend more willing than my own family?

last time the hospital took me over then college

guess you guys never had to deal with my breakdown, only my absense.

I say when you don't want to live

good food taste like dust

and taking a walk you are trying to decide by each step

that the next one is worth it

you are buried in the clouds of a storm

and you are trying to tell yourself that there is hope

that the sun will come out again

but all you can do is cry

and want your feelings to be less

and mad at yourself that they are not

and people complain at the little bit of your feelings when you show them

They rather you be a robot: workaholic, senseless and logical

But this is what got you here

Ignoring all your emotions until they exploded out of you like  a volcano

You buried who you were too much

caught up in expectations

you should be married

You should have 3 kids

You should have a better career

and if you have a car your mom will respect you

like all it takes is physical objects then people will treat you better

you respect the car and the house, not me