Walks in the Park

Lately I've been afraid of you yes, I walk and supposed to talk with you hiding from my consciousness like its yesterday's news this is a new world and social media is what's used to connect  I'm introverted lately, always using the phone to get in touch with people I don't live near to I wished to make a life like you showed me I have a room and a bed on the floor talked to a guy that was short now that's done I see 2 weeks ago I was starting to feel empty I felt my strength growing, definitely miss  Mark's encouraging words This week has been so up and down I complained outside about Kathy wondering the whole time if its me and then not knowing what to do about it goodness, I just knew I need to change this. got something, money close to the floor. wishing I could do something that would mean something that would get me more. Yeah of course don't want to lose. I like having a room to go back to, a place to not be outside. We can sit, we can relax. no o...

 in this space best friend were are you kev no messages yet Jenny no answer yet so disconnected and then i wonder if im too annoying but its just how it is its hard to get used to this new reality kev i'm managing my disappointment obvi hard to not feel rejected but mostly i'm thinking of how i wished things could go i used to talk to the guy in the cardboard box he had a big ad in the florida sky sign it was so much, such rush of feeling i feel like over there i cared about the people i cared about them did they care about me am i so used to the chase that's just how it be? and why cannot I let go  and why do i think of them so much? i call rose every week when i was there i was so busy commuting, at least an hour or two each way my time in the beach, it was limited. would walk it and discover new things post because it was fun today I thought of newt and real estate  and when will I get into that build something, to show for. 

 thinking about you the promise the things God had said the future i planned,  the waiting, the believing, the action. i'm in a preparation season but like obviously of what I have on my side my son, myself and lack of investments lol I wanted you to come along and love me, of course I was looking to be all that you required, love being something in which you might have to give some things up to get what you wanted I had no idea I could find a well of water inside myself, peace and abundance inside of myself I want to become the me that I SEE owns real estate, has things and can easily give. teaches, guides, is valuable i spent so much time now i spend my time with the things i signed up for this year my sons's school, this job, this bootcamp. foundational, laying a brick with the desire to move so deep inside of me and afraid that life will be this, living someone else's life or filter grateful for the time together but missing the depth of deep conversations missing the d...

 underwear for mom socks for Alex a pink scrub or something would be nice. summer clothes are in mom's house. 

today i had a call and i was like what if i get into this career  and meet amazing uplifting career guided people like the person i was talking to it was like talking to myself the leadership and the likeliness its interesting you say el no me ha mandado mensaje este fin de semana la weekend y ya  i'm sure he'll text again and what should be the response? at least I'm glad I didnt follow his flow and in the space of being apart its helped me get back into mine and not be in anxiety, that was not cool

 - TDP helps me get real life experience -career prep best with people new to cyber security prep -look up job descriptions, am I ready? I said, how do I knew? Linked In workshop, resume shop, recordings for this year.  I will send those to you. In there are a lot of different documents.  Lot of tidbits and advice that I put in there.  Not BC related. things that I know that work. COMMON DENOMINATOR- THEY DID NOT APPLY FOR THE JOB through networking and recruiters. Don't rush this process. If you do, you will be part of the group that are struggling to get a job. Harder to get entry-level role, than a mid level and senior level job.  Don't have the experience. I have never been part of any other bootcamp. no other bootcamp I know of, whether to be 1 month or 4 month to work in part of a 500 fortune company. Building a PCI posture. never had PCI Compliance. Experience you'll be able to get here, and speak to in an interview is way more valuable than what is insid...

 a love that is all mine to be chosen to not be triggered by rejection  and past  and sinking feelings that go into the concrete like trash Kansas is 15 hours from beach, the lady said she went from there to NJ Cape May and she was happy because it was an hour away Everyone buys a home and sends kids to school, 15 years. Settle somewhere I feel like the butterfly Every day I fight the urge to move having a kid didn't change that in me to be honest didn't know I was so much like this until I went free the land I desire porque espero que el me diga algo? hoy mire a su cara, directamente el no se dio cuenta just like I thought, he was there I was correct in that assessment it would have been a mistake but yeah, it happened. I JUST HATE THAT IT ALL REMINDS ME OF ANGEL. YEAH, ANGEL THAT ASSHOLE. How all these emotions live in me the good the bad and I have access to them all control your emotions, do not give into the fears. it comes and goes. it comes and goes. I gotta rock m...