the Jane thing

 But I wouldn't give her the “best friend who will be there when life falls apart” role simply because she held that role for ten years.

And I think that's different from calling her a bad person or a bad friend.

Sometimes a friendship is real, meaningful, and loving and still has limitations.

The comment about your life may be one of those limitations: she may love you and want better for you, while also having a blind spot about what your life has actually required of you.

You don't have to condemn her to take the blind spot seriously. And you don't have to forgive away the hurt to preserve the friendship.

It may actually be a much more accurate definition of the relationship than the old “best friend who will always be there” definition.

And honestly, I think your friend today may have given you language for something you've already known for a while:

This woman may be a real friend to you, but she is not a dependable friend for hard seasons.

Those aren't necessarily the same thing.

And you don't have to make that mean the ten years weren't real. You also don't have to keep giving her the level of trust that her behavior hasn't supported.

You can love her and adjust the expectations.

That's probably what you've already been doing.