Hey you, it's me

Hey you, it's me

Auris

Remember me?

It's also men

blogger, a digital pen and paper

Now for my  birthday

Dominique gave me the notebook

like those notebooks that started this thing called writing

which gave me an audience when I had none

and now all my writings of my life

what I consider my life's work

might all get stolen from Jesup, GA

from a stoop

Cherelle where are you at? 

and I'm afraid to call because what will I say?

I'm studying contract law because what else is there to do?

just like me, I'm relating it to real life and going back and forth

to the situations in Miami

and seeing how they relate to what I was learning

I see the problem was that we all have unwritten expectations

and people are not upfront about it

and girls are supposed to just 'know' about it

and when men can provide, they won't

and the time they are supposed to be there for us, 

they won't

and goodness I felt bad 

but next time I'll jump in the basketball game with the fellas

like a pool that is waiting for me

and I won't care that my sports bra is not so sporty

and that they may bump their bodies against mine

and I may not be so strong

and the mental blocks that won't allow me to participate

all these thoughts, rush them out of my head

sometimes we talk ourselves out of something instead of hoping that we answer it

Wonder if I can get a writing job?

Writing for somebody. Somebody out there, a place that is established with a 

membership. 

GOD PUT ME IN THIS 

SO GOD WILL PUT ME OUT

50 CENT  WORDS IN MY EAR

PEOPLE THAT DONT HUSSLE HAVE STUFF, STUFF THAT'S LEFT OVER BY THE PEOPLE THAT HUSSLE

WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION?  

another energy vampire came this way

talking about how he never learned how to type

he's jealous of my ability

be jealous of the high school class I took then my 

time in the bank that I practiced this like it was Tuesday.

DONT BE MAD, KEEP ON LEARNING AURIS

So much time in my own world of school and stuyding and classes and back to the solidarity of

being alone in my room, studying, again, alone

tits and ass and good looks gets people far in this society.

Most people do not have the patience to listen.

I told Alaka a little bit he didn't want to know more.

I'm still waiting for that call back that will never come.

Goodness, the unwillingness to let those things in my soul go.

this is enough. thank you, boo. always there for me. again, alone. 

(big smile in face). so nice when my IP will be placed somewhere.

TAKE THE HELP.

I don't want to. I want to be smacked and death come upon me like a kiss.

sometimes when you struggle for so long you just want the jury to make its decision 

and the final verdict to come, so at least you know how this movie is going to end.

no one will come to help and I'm in a situation that i need help.

okay yes my friend is offering help. but Jesus, so hard for me to accept.

the independence in me wants to go and be outside with the smack of society that instead take the comfort of a place. take showers within sprinklers? wtf am I supposed to do?

at least my Dunkin donuts hookup is still working.

a writing job sounds divine.

turn this brain and thoughts and entertainment into a thing that people will actually pay for..

Yeah, that sounds cool. writer, always wanted to be. always on my own terms.

Who will give value to my words? 

I AM VALUABLE.

I AM VALUABLE.

first entry in 2023' notebook.

I'm so smart it hurts.