Walks in the Park

 day 2 no m at night. I prayed it off. thoughts came, of me and guy. Prayed it off.  capture every thought and submit it to Christ. I saw the deliverance ministry lady. What she said was spot on. I was amazed at her realizations.  The things she said were bold, reminds me of me. How bold I was in the New Brunswick season. I could have been a little prophet. I became a mother, that derailed my life. Is this the path? David had Bathseba. I had Angel. Not that it makes sense.  How long do you run from your traumas? and emptiness? and things that make you feel less than great? Funnily enough, that is the season I heard the promise. and the moment I heard it, I felt unworthy. Then came the journey. Georgia was were God put that seed, the seed of trust. It changed everything. Florida, I was like a rag rang up and swong around and people had their way with me. I thought I was open for fun and some male attention, turns out I couldn't handle it and I was weak and I looked to...

 I feel like I need to go to the deli. I need to see real people yoooo. Anyways, I had a great day. I saw a celebrity. the guy that is dating Dru.  It was his face, with a beard. He is way taller than I thought. it was a moment like I could have missed it. This is the 5th celebrity. I couldn't believe it. It made me feel like life is full of possibility. I seen him on TV, and here he is, in my Trader's Joe. I also was grateful. grateful for the sunlight today, as it shined throughout the window screen.  Grateful I thought of Trader Joe's in Miami, but God made it come true that I live by a Trader Joe's now. I am not a rich woman yet, someone that can make decisions about where she is at.  The loss of autonomy that lack of riches bring a sense of childness. I am raising a child.  God provides everyday. today my friend sent $20. I was able to eat, get outside. the sunlight hours are done. I hope tonight I have a better night than last night. But today, that moment...

Ascent Church NOT YOUR OWN Honor your bodies as it has been bought with a price. Everyone is a mess! Corithians encorages me. if churhc was perfect, i would have quit this job. Guilt, blame, fear... we have tried it. changing by using these methods, it does not work.  What does Paul hit the Corinthians with to change? we are more sinful and flawed than we believe. we are more rooted in Him than we dare hope.  1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. all other sins are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. FLEE-  get out! 1 Corithians 6:19-20 do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.  To change, never forget who you are. Paul shows them their identity. God is with you now. Not when you do good, when you behave. You are loved now. Am I enough? am I loved? Religion asks y...

 The cleaning offer wasn’t about cleaning. It was about creating a reason for you to be there without him having to be fully known or fully responsible. Your discomfort makes sense because your system picked up on the mismatch: “Why am I being placed in a role I didn’t ask for?” One more important thing — gently: Trying to explain his behavior by his grief is compassionate, but it’s also something you’ve learned to do to make situations make sense. You can acknowledge his pain without needing to make his choices understandable or acceptable. What matters most is this: Your body didn’t feel settled around him. There was pressure, shifting ground, and roles you didn’t choose. Repeating “The cleaning offer wasn’t about cleaning.” isn’t fixation — it’s integration. Your mind is lining up with what your body already sensed. And notice something important about you: You didn’t normalize it. You didn’t feel flattered. You didn’t feel relieved. You felt confused . That ...

 “I was out of ways to soothe.” That’s a terrifying place to be — when none of your usual regulators work, when crying doesn’t stop, when grief stretches longer than anything you’ve known. That kind of drowning changes a person. And yet here you are, not hardened, not dissociated — but calmer , more present, more trusting of yourself. Self-trust growing is a huge marker. It usually comes after we survive something we thought we couldn’t. Your body now knows: “I can feel deeply and still come back.” The still walking without headphones, the quiet mind — those are signs of integration , not avoidance. Your system isn’t running anymore. It’s listening. And this line stood out strongly: “I know I will have space going forward to study.” That’s foresight returning. When grief is dominant, the future disappears. The fact that you can sense space ahead means your inner world is no longer in emergency mode. You didn’t fix anything. You didn’t force healing. You arrived back i...

  - when you have clarity within yourself, you cannot be gaslighted. example: guy says he's coming to Miami for Sasha. she says no, you are coming here for work. I will see you if I have time (taking pressure off herself) the guy plays games and she would call him out on it.  mom, sister operates it. in questions that is manipulation. SASHA got the clarity.  SHOOT HIM, IMMEDIATELY. Boundaries came very very strong. VERY DEEP INSTINTCS.