Walks in the Park

 TRANSUNION- SHOULD BE AURIS L ARIAS, NOT LAURA EXPERIAN- HAS CANDELARIO, THAT SHOULD BE REMOVED EQUIFAX HAS OLD ADDRESS, SHOULD BE UPDATED TO NEW ADDRESS PREVIOUS ADDRESS ON ALL SHOULD BE 948 E OAK ST JESUP GA 31546 EMPLOYERS: BANK OF AMERICA SHOULD BE ON TRANSUNION AND EQUIFAX EXPERIAN- 1 INQUIRY SHOULD BE REMOVED TOTAL- ALMOST 60K IN BALANCES IS WILD. COLLEGE AND CREDIT TO START A BUSINESS. Starlight Credit Repair Consulation 4 negative accounts 1 inquiry (special financing) legally she said she cannot estimate a time game plan: take off the negative history, then they have credit card partners she refers the clients to start with $200 secured credit card. Starting from the bottom. It's a starting place. She also said I'm not hopeless, she can work with me (I asked, stories from my head) ***** -straightfoward, professional, she showed up on time and we scheduled March 15th at 12pm a time to discuss getting her services, its $100 a month ($99 to be exact). She also sent me a ...

 The wall broke My heart was broken by my daddy First hearbreak I cried for the first time I've been carrying that for so long A wound with a scab It bled last night I was hurt Angel was nothing compared to that, he was the second heartbreak I guess Ryan was a disappointment. he made promises he couldn't keep Never honest with himself, always the salesman I was the prize/ but what was the point of pretending? Realized tio Dennis and even my search for brothers has been about looking for a dad. male guidance, from someone that cares. Marvin liking me felt like a betrayal. it was supposed to be a father/brother love, nothing more. then becoming something where you are not even sure you want, Don't play with me.

 sick and alone pills, fell asleep i felt so bad like wanted someone to be here, show up for me like georgia its just me tio dennis would show and also one time michael. i felt like i was taking him away from his family thats the feeling. no call to check up. i texted like in case you are wondering i'm doing better. him and uncle once called me to tell me they were getting me a car. i dont like jokes like that. especially when you need it. i thought of alaka, and peace we havent talked. i thought of family, all here but not here, same as before so same story then i thought these lessons are the lessons. and i look over my life, and see that it's always been me and God God made a way for me, god told me to go to new brunswick then georgia, then florida. God is silent now, no directions. i'm doing the DR trip to obey what He said when he was talking. the guy i was waiting for just got married. I had a dream, the dream I had was 2 years ago. 2 years ago before this happened. M...

 okay according to this youtube video why do i have a hard time doing a simple task they said there is a wall of awful around it, an emotional wall not physical ok so let's dig deep. whats my wall of awful around the task of taking remote job task? 1. failure- i tired in Orlando never landed a remote job 2. i took cybersecurity school course- that didn't help me land my role. and it was wrong school to pick. and i gave my all 2024 for it. enough so that i needed time to heal from that failure. 3. stack wins, maybe its so many failures that i try to make sense of it? 4. who will i disappoint? If I get a remote job, then I will want to leave (why stay here if I don't like it here?) and scared to disappoint mom Lesly Cesar. even though I don't talk to Cesar and mom is staying out of my way, she doesn't visit, come around, or call and expects me to visit her which I told her I wont. and when I call, it's been bad experiences of her lying (saying she was not going to...

 to be open to have an adventure to say yes to have a date it didnt go the way and i wasnt in a good position made it under a shadow of what it is supposed to be  but still, i had and i have nothing to show for it no relationship, no marriaage once again, God wins he knows the way there is the lonileness  the wanting to have a partner missing someone to talk to there was a whole set of time I pretended the people in my shows were my friends yeah it got like that when u feel disconnected from everyone and the things you have been through are not easily relatable you feel like no one understands you've been through a trauma few understand and maybe that's why sharing my story one day will help

 I watched Harlem. (the ending was so good!) washed the green shoes Jackie came and got the bag. I caught up with Jenny today. We talked about finally meeting up in person.  All the things we can do. Once money, car and more freedom is in my hands.  only thing left is to return Lesly's package thing. Lesly didn't bring the chicken. Zari didn't call. Shar didn't call. Alaka called. I didnt pick up. I said to self, he will text if its important. It was hard. and I reminded myself all the times he's done that to me.  How many times I have called and he hasn't picked up or called back. Then when he needs me, I pick up first ring. Drop everything, be available. No more. I saw a post today, why you loyal to someone you give 100 percent and they give 10. I'm like wow and I thought of him. I'm sick of making excuses for him and now his wife.  He didn't want me to speak to her but want me to come over and do maid things.  I'm good. I think i'm good to...