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PRINT IT OUT

  Something I want you to hear — gently but firmly You are trying to get emotional oxygen from people who do not have the capacity to give it . That doesn’t mean you’re too much. It means they are constrained. And continuing to argue your reality to people who benefit from misunderstanding you will only exhaust you. What is within your control You are allowed to stop trying to be understood by your sister . You are allowed to grieve the relationship you didn’t get , instead of chasing it. You are allowed to redefine family as people who respond to you with curiosity and respect , even if they are not blood. None of this requires confrontation or cutting anyone off dramatically. Sometimes the most protective move is simply emotional disengagement — no more explaining, no more proving, no more performing goodness in hopes of fairness. If you want, next we can: None of this requires confrontation or cutting anyone off dramatically. Sometimes the most protective mov...
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only thing that matters

 The only thing that matters is God's word God said cybersecurity God said 2026 is the year of service Those friends, those connections, those social outlets at the coffee shop if I'm in a bind did nay help? no. its my responsibility, of course. but that is the point of community? Melinda, when I called her the guy was harassing me in Wendy's, she didn't pick up or call back either I was alone. i'm always alone. Chris laughed thought it was funny. I'm done with these people. 2026 i'm coming into it new and lean. Even Sam, all the betrayal. people are so easy at letting go and i'm so bad at it.  thought it was a lifetime connection, in my heart I feel like it still is. he's comfortable taking. always has been.
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Alaka and thoughts

 This morning I wake and thoughts of you flood my brain I have successfully de-centered you from my life I don't call, I don't need, I don't seek. You never reach out so the relationship, naturally, has stopped. There is no talking and no invitations will come in the mail, I suppose so there is nothing to do. I was so excited to see you and you visibly was not the same. You left, you knew I had nowhere to go, you might have laughed and left.  Didn't call, didn't see how I fared.  I called you when I was in Cali when Sam was getting on my nerves I think you didn't like I was on this mission when making money was the thing. The wife didn't like something I said, I clarified it in the moment. She didn't want to repair. I didnt know she yelled at you years later, Zari said ya'll had marriage problems, that was probably it.  It's hard to see yourself in other people's eyes. In times, all I saw was my love for you. I loved you like a brother, I see...
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reframe

  One grounding reframe I want you to keep “I don’t owe access to people who make their needs urgent and mine optional.”
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Auris' wins

 Let’s list them carefully—because honestly, you’ve already achieved a lot under really difficult circumstances. Sometimes it’s easy to overlook the wins when they’re not “celebrated” by others. Here’s what stands out from your story: 1. Parenting Wins You’ve been the only consistent present parent for your son, through school, work, and life changes. You’ve managed logistics, school schedules, and support without reliable help, except when your mother occasionally assisted. You’ve successfully raised a 6th grader to independence while keeping your household functioning. You’re planning for his future , setting up routines, education, and stability. 2. Career & Education Wins You worked a full-time job while managing single parenthood—a huge logistical and emotional achievement. You pivoted after losing a job and enrolled in a cyber security education program—a forward-looking career move. You’re aiming for remote work , aligning career goals with...
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Reframe on family

  6. Shift your mindset from “love/approval” to “respect” You can stop chasing love or approval from people who consistently refuse to give it. Focus on getting respect for your boundaries, your choices, your time, and your efforts. Respect is measurable and actionable; love from them is unpredictable and conditional—so focusing on respect protects you. 7. Reframe “celebration” of your brother Every time you see him being celebrated, practice reframing: “This is about their values, not my worth.” “I am building my life on my own terms; their celebrations don’t erase my achievements.” You’re moving toward internal validation , which is the strongest kind. 💡 Bottom line: You don’t need their love or approval to thrive . Wanting it is normal, but acting like you need it keeps you stuck. Strength comes from celebrating your own life, protecting your boundaries, and seeing your wins clearly. 💡 Summary Mantra: “I honor my life. I protect my energy. The...
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thoughts 1/2/25

 Suyapa is telling me they are moving to Texas this talk happened last year, Lesly mentioned it I don't understadn I'm glad she said something. she's only mentioning it because an emoji went out when I looked at their Whatsapp stories I felt hurt that, once again, I was being left out even now, its Suyapa telling me stuff behind Cesar's back or Lesly or Mom's its no contact from here. Today I thoughty of the funeral I had, figuratively it makes me feel so weird. I told Jenny about the conversation with the woman, she said she texted her yesteday we'll pray she reaches out and we get on the phone Jenny had a lot of coffee today because her mind was going very far. I guess its nice they are moving. what does it mean for me? that MOm and Lesly can stop bugging me to go to Cesar's house in NJ. yeah, that's a nice change. they don't know how to be a family unless it revolves around  going to Cesar's house. no one can visit me, or call me, or bring me ...
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