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Tiger

 Thank you for trusting me with this. What you’re describing is clear, grounded parts work , not something to be afraid of. I want to go slowly and carefully here, because there’s something very healthy unfolding — and also something that needs structure and safety , which you’re already instinctively doing. First, let me reflect this accurately: Tiger is play , physicality , competition , aliveness Not sex Not danger Not chaos Embodied energy that wants expression Tiger didn’t ask to cross your boundaries. When you said “I can’t have sex” , Tiger didn’t argue or push — it redirected . That alone tells us a lot. What Tiger is actually asking for Tiger isn’t saying: “Break your values.” Tiger is saying: “Let me move. Let me engage. Let me feel my strength.” Wrestling is a perfectly symbolic image for that: What Tiger is actually asking for Tiger isn’t saying: “Break your values.” Tiger is saying: “Let me move. Let me engage. Let me feel my strength.” Wres...
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Sabbath

 Let's talk about it. its 3pm on a Saturday. I am sabbathed out. I took a nap. I felt all this energy in my body (guy). I don't know what to do with that energy. I told myself for tiger to come out.  It came out, I pictured it. It had words. It said it just wants to play, it wants to move, it wants touch. It felt how I was in my physical body, in the bed, not moving. It wants movement. It said that's why it shows up at night, unused energy. I hear you, I just don't know what to do with you. That's the only one that came out. Sweetie, I know she wants to be treated like a lady. She wants a date. Will that date come? I don't know. I was thinking about money, God should I go around and sign around the city? Should I expend energy there? or shall I keep being still and waiting for you to provide? Is my income too low for NY? Can I make it until Wednesday with no more money coming in? I checked the apps and there is one more to use.  I still don't have a food pla...
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Guy

  2. Redefine what “receiving from him” can look like Right now, it feels like you can give a lot, but receiving is harder. Receiving doesn’t have to mean huge gestures or deep vulnerability right away. Examples of ways he can show you care and balance the dynamic: Verbal acknowledgment: A simple “I appreciate you” or “thank you for helping me” can validate your effort. Time together that’s just about you: Even if it’s small, like having a coffee together at his house with no tasks. Small gestures of care: Bringing a snack, helping in ways that respect your boundaries, listening when you share something. You don’t need full emotional vulnerability yet to receive; you just need small, consistent signs that he values you and your effort. 3. Strengthen your boundaries clearly Boundaries are crucial here: Your home: Off-limits for him now; you’ve said yes to that and that’s good. Work/tasks: Make it explicit that you are only comfortable doing work in professiona...
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Alex Bday, lets talk about it

  Lessons and creating a new reality: You know what matters to you : connection, celebration, joy, and people showing up authentically . Boundaries and selection of company : You now have clarity about who adds joy vs. stress. You can intentionally invite or spend energy on people who actually want to be there . Self-validation : You can validate yourself and your efforts instead of relying on your family’s approval. You can celebrate your creativity, organization, and resourcefulness. Flexibility and grace with imperfection : Life won’t always match the ideal you imagine, but you can create meaning and joy despite others’ limitations . If you want, we can map a concrete plan for future celebrations and gatherings , so you are surrounded by the kind of people who show up, participate, and genuinely share in your joy. That way, your energy is respected and the anxiety from uncertainty is minimized. Lesly's comment: Yes… exactly. When you break it down logically, her c...
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Journal

 Firstly, I spoke to Jane. It was so surreal. I got to the Amazon locker and she called. before that, I had to get on a train. I was already making a story in my head that we weren't friends anymore and I just have to accept that at this time, since I had done everything to keep in touch. When I got to the library, actually when I got out, her text said hello long time hope you and Alex are doing well. I texted her that I have been trying to reach her for the last 30 days, please call if she can. then I walked and got on a train.   So I got to my destination, Amazon locker, and she called and we did the whole ordeal. She had a dream for me, she said God spoke to me about you. That is so rare! Especially from my best friend, the person that I for years been practicing how to be vulnerable in front of. She was overjoyed by my testimony, the safety with her was still there. I told her, without apology or edits, everything that happened (highlights). Straight, no chaser. She ...
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Grief

Grief comes up like crying Grief comes like a memory that's pushed down it can hit you in the middle of your routine it can hit you when you are happy it can disturb your day, and it makes no apologies GRIEF... Grief, please, I beg you, can you leave? I was fine a moment ago, I don't want to feel these feelings can I have a moment, grief? I just don't want to feel: GRIEF Was it the death,, the finality of intent the goodbyes we were forced to make. The ending to the story we all knew was coming but we didn't have the date.... GRIEF I relish in you, I walk in anger with you, I hate that you have  welcomed yourself into my life and now you have made yourself a home in my heart and you refuse to leave. GRIEF I swear you are the cruelest guest don't even bother cleaning up after yourself all you do is come uninvited, and you keep leaving a mess.... Grief, I don't want to know you I don't want to think of you at night when I get cold I don't even want to ackn...
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Guy

 Guy, what are you here to teach me, in this time in my life why is it so hard for me to control myself around you you start and i finish it, but i didn't mean to start i swear i didn't mean to match energy and everything these young kids call it guy, afraid to name you by name guy, maybe it makes it less personal like those women in the bible that we know their stories, but not their name guy, what i call you when i talk to chat guy, who are you and where did you come from? I have no idea yet, I will make it my mission to know But I assure you of this, right now, you are waking up  something deep within me, something i thought had died like a butterfly's first flutters you are letting my heart make a wave a small wave, but its a wave and me, shocked at your effect, my mind, my mind is still trying to make sense
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