you throw me out like yesterday's trash
I wish I could say it was the last time
or the first time
that this time, this is the first time
I was sad, yes shocked, yes
but the pain, the pain was away
in a place in my soul too far away for me
to connect with the feeling
I called Jenny and told her the whole thing
and even I don't know if she got it
she said what if Alfredo reaches out in the future
I say in a future that is not here
I will make a decision just like I'm making decisions now
I will be fine
Did she see something I don't see? Jenny asked
I said no, she sees something I also see
she's just not willing to put up with it
but I have such a tolerance for bullshit
and being in environments that I don't belong
What I learned today was 1. how intolerant Aysia is
2. how insensitive Alfredo was, he didn't even get that he cost me a friend
similar to the day that I was about to get hit
he told me to film a TikTok and get famous
what an insensitive thing to say
and what a idiotic thing to say
he did say something nice about so many blessings coming my way
and it being the devil that part was nice
but I always hang up on the ways people disappoint me, don't I?
Loyal to a fault
I told prima I have 2 weeks left then boom
wont see Alfredo again doubt he'll call me to hang out
if he hasn't done that in past 4 months
don't think he's gonna get a personality transplant
I also learned, wow Alfredo, read the room
I guess maybe we were in a shelter Alfredo offered her bottle girl job
then can work with me in KFC
made me feel less special almost like dang you offering everyone
so him doing that and looking out for me wasn't a thing
or maybe because I had introduced her as my friend
maybe he was extending her the same kindness
but I told him about himself (that it was a disrespectful thing to ask)
and we tried to educate him about how there are different type of women
he didn't want to listen, insisting the strippers he has talked with are cool
I saw at once how stubborn Alfredo was (to listen, to be humble against people
that know more than him)
and I then saw how stubborn my friend was, (not allowing Alfredo to explain himself.)
letting a simple miss in communication and make an assumption about him
I didn't want to be in the middle and be the Alfredo interpreter,
I had done enough of my share of being an interpreter yesterday
And she didn't like that I like black men and told me all these ignorant
stereotypes that weren't true
so she's not as tolerant as I thought she was
as always, it's back to me being alone.
I don't mind it actually. I had to go to room, sleep a bit, write a bit about it
so that I could process what just happened.
now two people I gotta ignore, my crazy roomate and this chick too.
It's exhausting to have to ignore people. We were cool and we laughed.
It was so nice to speak to someone intelligent and she had weird humor like us
Alfredo went into his alpha thing and said fuck her she's not as cool as you thought if she pulled this
and on that note I have to agree.
It sucks, really. I sat with the elderly. she said why was I upset. She said I didn't know and let it go
basically. that she showed me her character.
God, what happened with Jose? and what happened with Cherelle's sister's girl. I cried so much for her. what life will she have? will she have the support she needs? and can I be a person that is stable enough to be able to provide such stability to another kid, another human being?
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