Walks in the Park

I'm letting go of all my ties it makes me see that life is a blank page ready for me to put words, plans or pictures in it but in this vastness I am not sorry to say that I am lost I always wanted to go to Cali but I'm broke and have 2 years here at NJCU then went to a fulbrith meeting and thinking about doing that after I graduate Did I mention that I have a baby? and what about when I'm getting married? and meeting David? who knows? God has a plan. In the meantime, I am totally blowing off class. I'm half an hour late to a 3 hour class. Time to go. Bye doosels

Soon to be need to leave have no where kidding just no money God provides he always does had enough for coffee and bagel today and sabotaged myself cutting class didn't study for the test Make my own destiny Feeling overwhelmed Maybe should go home? what good will that do? Trying to get myself... to a better state

I keep thinking of Eli and how he needs to cut his hair I want to erase all possible discriminations Make the assimilation into New Jersey easier I am thinking of how he tried to move to his uncle's house and how it didn't work out I thought of how he got down, and he felt that feeling like when you try so hard and nothing seems to work out in your favor? When you give  your all and you still feel stuck? The future is bleak and the is no light on the horizon? Yeah, that's how he feels and I know because I have felt it too But it's getting better! Motivate each other I have the vision; Zari is going around looking at houses. Something has to give.  Let's move and work on it.

Zari, Teril, Eli and me. Oh yeah, and 3 of our babies. Wild, adventurous, fun? Will we be hippie and fun loving adults? Terril better not do weed. We'll see. God open up doors that you want to open, close the ones that are meant to be closed. Amen

I've never been so scared. I have to find a place to live by April, my baby's first birthday. I dont have a job. I don't wnat ot be homeless. I'm scared of what might happen on a shelter. I'm a full time student. Is the only option sleeping in the floor? I've been doing that for all this time. My mother's floor. she works, i took care of baby, now got school going. What am I to do?  I have no idea. I pray I pray for a miracle today.